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"We look for people who can quickly adapt to changes in the workplace."
'Well, Mr. Bell, I must say in all my years in this industry I've never conducted an interview with someone so devoid of even a semblance of professionalism... You're hired.'
'Yes, I suppose certain narrow-minded people would call it a ‘pack of lies' - I prefer to think of it as creative up-selling.'
'We did a background check on this guy and he came up squeaky clean... just what is he trying to hide anyway?'
'That's true. We did advertise for someone who 'works well under pressure'...'
Interviewee: 'Nah, work related stress isn't a problem - I've never taken a job seriously enough for it to bother me!'
'In five year's time?... I see myself on that side of the desk telling you it's a great shame, thanks for all your hard work, but I'm going to have to let you go!'
Personnel: 'Next question, what was the reason for leaving your last job?' Reply: 'I got sick of being questioned about everything I did!'
'Mentoring requires many sophisticates qualities and skills...'
'Vicious, intelligent and ruthless? Certainly. But I think my biggest asset is that I'm a survivor!'
The True Story Of Vanilla Pudding
"You say your biggest faults are working too hard and blind loyalty to your employer. What do you take me for… An idiot?"
Tags:fault, faults, weakness, weaknesses, job interview, job interviews, interview, interviews, interviewing, skill, skills, hire, hires, hired, hiring officer, hiring officers, employer, employers, kiss up, kisses up, kissing up, suck up, suck ups, biggest fault, biggest weakness, greatest weakness, lie, lies, lying, impress, impresses, impressing, good impression, good impressions
"Sorry about that resumé. I haven't had much call recently for words or math."
"Do you know anything that reflects the current job market?"
Tags:violin, violins, violinist, violinists, job market, current job market, interview, interviews, interviewer, interviewers, unemployed, unemployment, talent, talents, skill, skills, recruit, recruits, recruiting, recruitment, recruitment agency, recruitment agencies, useless, uselessness, extra curricular, extra-curricular, musician, musicians
"Look, I did bring you in here for questioning. I want to know if you like my new tie."
Tags:police, police officer, police officers, cop, cops, detective, detectives, police detective, police detectives, investigation, investigations, police investigation, police investigations, interview, interviews, interrogation, interrogations, questioning, suspect, suspects, fashion, clothes, clothing, menswear, men's fashion, men's clothing, men's clothes, accessory, accessories, tie, ties, necktie, neckties, new, like, opinion, opinions, loud, colourful, colorful, crazy, design, pattern, unique
"It's not enough being a cat anymore. I want to be a fat cat."
Tags:cat, cats, feline, felines, anthropomorphism, anthropomorphic, personification, talking cats, talking cat, office, dreams, goals, dream, goal, investment, investments, investing, ambition, ambitions, desire, desires, aspiration, aspirations, success, successes, successful, cats in suits, life goals, meeting, business meeting, interview, job interview, job interviews, interviews, greedy, greed
"We don't have job titles here. Not only that, we don't even use our names. Actually, I don't even work here. To be honest, this is probably all a dream."
Tags:workplace, workplaces, informal workplace, informal workplaces, laid back workplace, laid back workplaces, new starter, new starters, new job, new jobs, dream job, dream jobs, dream, dreams, dreaming, too good to be true, job title, job titles, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews
'We were ready to hire you until we saw the photo of you on Facebook sliding on the ice...'
"What the hell? We could use an idiot."
Tags:idiot, idiots, hiring, hire, hires, hired, new guy, new guys, diversity, workplace diversity, diversity hire, diversity hires, positive discrimination, moron, morons, unqualified, incompetent, incompetence, application, applications, interview, interviews, interviewing, job interview, job interviews, worker, workers, working, colleague, colleagues, co-worker, co-workers
"I suggest that in future you eat all your lunch."
Tags:mom, moms, mother, mothers, mum, mums, lunch, lunches, packed lunch, packed lunches, boss, bosses, supervisor, unusual relationship, eating, eat, food, foods, appraisal, child, children, kid, kids, harsh, telling off, review, interview, reviews, interviews, dynamic, unusual dynamic, family business, business, businesses, insult, insulted, ground, grounded
"Miss Gaines, send in someone who reminds me of myself as a lad."
"You should be aware that we already have a strong in-house candidate."
Tags:candidate, candidates, job candidate, interview, interviews, interviewing, subservient, subservience, kiss butt, kisses butt, suckup, suckups, suck up, sucks up, qualification, qualifications, skill, skills, skillset, skillsets, skill set, skill sets, job interview, job interviews, lost cause, lost causes, hopeless, hopelessness
If we hired the same way we elect...
"I'm looking to hire someone who can be acquiescent without making me uncomfortably aware of it."
Tags:underling, underlings, corporate ladder, corporate ladders, acquiesce, acquiescing, subservient, subservience, attitude, attitudes, boss, bosses, manager, managers, corporate culture, power trip, power trips, new hire, new hires, ideal employee, ideal employees, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, honest, honesty, self-aware, self-awareness
"In my youth I was a libertarian."