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'We don't believe a word of this c.v... And we'd like to offer you a job.'
Dave realised he was facing the interview panel from hell.
'Haven't you heard? There are no winners anymore. We hire only also-rans.'
'It's only fair to warn you that if you get the job there would be a lot of filing involved.'
"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"
"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."
'The interview panel will see you now.'
'Of course it isn't a case of sexual discrimination. We just don't think you're the right man for the job.'
'Yes,I do have a question.. What kind of dental plan do you have?'
"Before we start, can I take a quick selfie with you all, so I can update my social media?"
"That last applicant showed real promise. Did you notice the way he mumbled all through the interview?"
Tags:railway, railways, mumbler, mumblers, mumbles, announcers, applicants, job interview, job interviews, job candidate, job candidates, job applicant, rail travel, interview, job applicants, interview panel, job skill, job skills, resume, resumes, cv, cvs, potential, promise, rail travel, travel announcement, travel announcements, station, announcer, mumble, mumbling.
"Thanks for the interview. And, you're definitely on my shortlist."
During an interview, it's important to be succinct and avoid too many digressions or side issues.
'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'
'... And how long do I get for my liquid lunch?'
'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'
'Congratulations, we think you'll fit in very well here.'
'Thank you for attending the interview Mr Jones. And if we do ever have a vacancy for a no-hoper, I'll be in touch.'
"We could decide between Miss Gimble and Miss Norton with a swimsuit competition"
"As you know we are one of the leaders in our field, and if that doesn't intimidate you enough, I've asked Ron from accounts to stare at you while we speak!"
"That was a very impressive interview, we will be in touch!"
"Keeping down twelve pints is rather impressive, Mr Bagley, but can you describe any other, rather more pertinent, strengths?"
"Yes, I have lots of experience. I've done this over, and over, and over ..."
"Don't smoke signal us, we'll smoke signal you."