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'We don't believe a word of this c.v... And we'd like to offer you a job.'
Dave realised he was facing the interview panel from hell.
'It's only fair to warn you that if you get the job there would be a lot of filing involved.'
"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"
'The interview panel will see you now.'
'Yes,I do have a question.. What kind of dental plan do you have?'
"Before we start, can I take a quick selfie with you all, so I can update my social media?"
"Thanks for the interview. And, you're definitely on my shortlist."
'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'
"We could decide between Miss Gimble and Miss Norton with a swimsuit competition"
"Yes, I have lots of experience. I've done this over, and over, and over ..."
"Don't smoke signal us, we'll smoke signal you."
"As you know we are one of the leaders in our field, and if that doesn't intimidate you enough, I've asked Ron from accounts to stare at you while we speak!"
"That was a very impressive interview, we will be in touch!"
"Keeping down twelve pints is rather impressive, Mr Bagley, but can you describe any other, rather more pertinent, strengths?"