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"Instead, let me be your investment advisor and get you eleven-per-cent return, year in and year out, regardless of market conditions."
Tags:david, goliath, investment advisor, investment adviser, investment advisers, investment advisors, investor, investors, investment, investments, money advice, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers, bible, bibles, bible story, bible stories, torah story, torah stories, old testament, war, wars, conflict, conflicts
"Sorry; it's been running slow all morning."
"It's great that you showed me how to get my 401K to roll over, but now it just plays dead."
Tags:financial services, investing, investments, 401k, pensions, retirement services, investment advisors, money, banking, stock market, stocks, money markets, wall street, financial planning, financial planners, money managers, pensioner, pensioners, retirement, retirement account, retirement accounts, retirement savings, savings account, savings accounts, roll over, rolling over
"Chasing Investment Yield for Fitness & Profit"
Now hiring: "Selling short" specialist.
Born penniless. Then I invested on margin & things got worse!
"Tell me again how buying nut futures will help me this winter..."
"I realized we weren't on the same page when he advised me to bury my money in the ground."
"Please put my back on hold. That song - "We're in the Money" - put me in a rare good mood!"
"The initial consultation is free. The buyer's remorse or seller's regrets counseling are extra."
Tags:investment advisor, investment advisors, investment, investments, consultation, consultations, initial consultation, initial consultations, first one's free, buyer's remorse, seller's regret, shady investor, shady investors, investor, investors, investment adviser, investment advisers, stockbroker, stockbrokers
"You certainly are a broker. That's what you've made me."
Tags:broker, brokers, stockbroker, stockbrokers, stock broker, stock brokers, stock market, stock markets, investor, investors, investment advisor, investment advisors, investment adviser, investment advisers, lose money, loses money, losing money, lost money, poor, bad investment, bad investments, money manager, money managers
"This is Mr. Hanes. He's in charge of our rear-end loaded funds."
"Mr. Harlow, let me give you a piece of advice: Everything is a bubble."
"Eddie, the fundamentals are good - meaning, you can afford to pay my fee."
"We're a hedge fund, Mr Marney, so I'm putting your allocation at 30% stocks, 30% bonds, and 40% bushes."
"New! The China Fund* *Note: some investors reported feeling greedy again in an hour."
Tags:china fund, chinese fund, chinese funds, stock, stocks, stock market, stock markets, stock broker, stock brokers, invest, invests, investing, investment, investments, stocks and bonds, bond, bonds, bond market, bond markets, chinese bonds, investment adviser, investment advisers, investment advisor, investment advisors, chinese food, china, stereotype, stereotypes, chinese, greed, greedy, greediness
"O.K., don't e-mail this to anyone, but we're shorting black big time."
Tags:roulette, investments, business, shortsell, shortsells, shortselling, shorting, short sell, short sells, short selling, gamble, gambles, gambling, gambler, gamblers, investor, investors, investment, investments, hedge fund, hedge funds, investment advisor, investment advisors, investment advice, mankoff
"It's the middle of the inning and the investment advisors have taken the field."
'They must have the same investment advisor as we do.'
"First the good news...it's only money."
"You call this a 'market correction?' So when I was making money...was that a 'market mistake?'"
"If she can find all the bones she's buried, she's my next investment counselor."
Tags:investment, investments, investment advisor, investment advisors, investment adviser, investment advisers, investor, investors, dog, dogs, canine, canines, canine behaviour, canine behavior, dog behaviour, dog behavior, pet, pets, dog owner, dog owners, buried treasures, buried treasure, bone, bones
"Does it say what we use for money?"
'You're too heavy on metals and too light on equities.'
Man about man: 'John here sells mutual funds and worry beads.'