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"The idea that the government introduces change for the SAKE of it is NONSENSE...we also introduce it so we have an endless stream of tabloid friendly headlines and meaningless sound bites."
"Well the good news is that the system is completely secure,no one can get into it...and the bad news...It's because it's crashed!"
"So how much will the new IT system cost?"
'Our system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'
"The technology's in place, now all we have to do is misuse it."
'You mean you once had to WRITE letters?'
"Funding has taken a hit over the last few years....so when it comes to upgrading computing infrastructure we've had to source alternative, less costly options..."
"I know we're supposed to get rid of 'superbugs', but ours is the only one that understands the IT systems!"
Tags:superbug, superbugs, it system, it systems, computer system, computer systems, super-bug, super-bugs, super bug, super bugs, virus, viruses, computer tech, computer techs, computer technician, computer technicians, disease, diseases, bug, bugs, infection, infections, hospital administration, hospital, hospitals
Bob was fairly good at identifying non-compliant systems - until he began dating one."
"If the goat's giblets float to the top...about £350,000."
'Concerns about our data management are misplaced...our new system is very robust Miss Pettigrew.'
'We tried to get rid of 'superbugs'...but they're the only ones who can understand the new IT system!'
'I know we're supposed to get rid of 'superbugs', but ours is the only one that understands the IT system!'
'Now do you believe that IT systems can have an impact on environmental change?'
'There, that's the IT system sorted...now we can do the important stuff!'
Government procuration in action
'We tried throwing out the baby with the bathwater but it's got so fat it got jammed.'
'Right Miss Piggot...I see that according to our records you're pregnant and expecting a little girl in three months.'
'Of course things will a lot better in the future when we'll be able to not keep the records we don't keep now on the new 6 billion IT system.'
'If we're to be able to afford a cutting edge IT system then we have to make sacrifices...and you're ours.'
'With the new automated system we've cut consultation times down to 30 seconds...'
'It just doesn't get any beta than this.'
I think that computer might be giving out a little too much heat... Energy efficient IT systems.
'Hey, the money we invested to improve our IT systems finally pays! My 649 spam mails are surrounded by sneering smileys now!'
How corporate data wizards decide it's time to re-vamp everything...