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'They hired a chimp to read the news! The ratings war must really be heating up.'
News presenters read inane text messages from viewers: 'And a text from Stuart in Gloucester ... HAHAHA DAT CRAKS ME UP!!! LOL!! UR DA GR8EST :-)XOXOX'
'This just in from the AMA: New studies reveal that life is bad for you.'
And here is the day's news that we are going shove down your throat.