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'What, They're comfortable.'
"That's the statue of Do What Your Mother Tells You."
"I'd like to buy my husband a yarmulke of the type worn by Rudy Giuliani."
Tags:yarmulke, yarmulkes, jewish voter, jewish voters, jewish vote, giuliani, rudy giuliani, mayor, mayors, new york, new york city, candidate, candidates, presidential candidate, presidential candidates, fashion, hat, hats, fashionable, mislead, misleads, misleading, shop, shops, shopping, men's fashion, appeal, appeals, appealing, deceive, deceives, deceiving, appropriate, appropriates, appropriation, religious dress, jew, jews, jewish, demographic, demographics, campaign, campaigns, campaigning
"Mr. Levine, may I see you a moment?"
"Hello there. I'm the bluebird of Orthodox Judaism. What do you say you get up, you put on t'fillin and you daven this morning?"
"Are you crazy? A bacon and tomato sandwich? On Yom Kippur?"
Tags:yom kippur, day of atonement, holy day, holy days, judaism, jewish, jewish holiday, jewish holidays, kosher, kashrut, food, restaurant, restaurants, dining out, eating out, meal, meals, blt, b.l.t., sandwich, sandwiches, bacon and tomato sandwich, bacon and tomato sandwiches, dietary law, dietary laws, religious law, religious laws, religion, religious, jew, jews, secular jew, secular jews
The Mishegoss Stops Here
Tags:yiddish, jew, jews, jewish, judaism, religion, religions, religious, mishegoss, mischief, the buck stops here, nonsense, tomfoolery, foolery, office, offices, business, businesses, businessman, businessmen, executive, executives, serious, strict, manager, managers, management, boss, bosses, shpasik, jtoons
After 39 years and 11 months of stubbornly wandering the desert, Moses' wife decides to ask for directions to the promised land,
"The problem is that our ads have either been too Jewish or not Jewish enough."
The Shnorrer's Shnorrer
Jewish Deep Thinker
"Open the pod bay doors, HAL - we can't wait for the shabbos goy"
"I still want grandchildren.
Then on the Eighth Day
Tags:god, heaven, creation, creationism, creationist, creationists, the creation, genesis, book of genesis, the book of genesis, old testament, the old testament, christianity, christian, christians, judaism, jew, jews, jewish, theism, theist, theists, religions, writers block, writer's block, creative block, artists block, artist's block, creation myth, in the beginning, give up, giving up, given up, run out of ideas, running out of ideas, rest, resting, relax, relaxing, taking a break
"And remember, if you need anything I'm available 24/6."
"First of all, this conversation never happened."
Tags:jew, jews, jewish, orthodox, yarmulke, yarmulkes, christmas, holiday, holidays, holiday season, deniability, plausible deniability, vow of silence, santa, santa claus, father christmas, hanukkah, chanukah, christian, christians, goyim, goy, gentile, gentiles, swearing to silence, jealous, envy, envious, shpasik, jtoons
"I first felt truly Jewish when I saw Ozzie and Harriet on television."
"You're right! It is a mezuzah!"
Tags:mezuzah, mezuzahs, religion, religious, judaism, jewish, jew, jews, torah, history, historical, ancient, pre-history, pre-historical, prehistory, prehistorical, stone age, bc, b.c., before christ, paleolithic, palaeolithic, cave-dweller, cave dwellers, cavemen, caveman, neanderthal, neanderthals, early humans, archaeology, archaeologist, archaeologists, archeology, archeologist, archeologists, artifact, artifacts, artefact, artefacts, shpasik, jtoons
"Two bars—how about you?"
Tags:angel, angels, heaven, christianity, christian, christians, judaism, jewish, jews, smartphone, smartphones, modern technology, modern technologies, modern life, modern times, modern attitudes, connectivity, phone signal, phone signals, wifi, wi-fi, wifi signal, wi-fi signal, cellphone, cellphones, phone, phones, mobile phone, mobile phones, reception, phone reception, no signal, telephone signal, telephone signals, phone signal, phone signals, priorities, prioritise, prioritize, wrong priorities, bad priorities, heavenly reward, disappoint, disappointed, disappointment
"Don't rush me! There's a very delicate line between good kitsch and junky tchotchkes."
'I have something to tell you, Moses...'
Tags:god, moses, christianity, christian, christians, burning bush, fire, burning, bush, desert, deserts, bible, story, vision, visions, egypt, jew, jews, judaism, fireman, man, health and safety, safe, permit, open flame, greenery, bushes, forest fires, forest fire, ordinance, the argyle sweater, argyle sweater
'What is this, some kind of joke?'
"Have your people call my people."
Tags:seder, seders, passover, passovers, passover seder, judaism, jewish, jews, jew, torah, torahs, candy, candies, chocolate, chocolates, parody, parodying, alternative, holiday, holidays, celebration, celebrates, celebrate, hebrew, feast, feasts, represent, represents, representing, symbol, symbols, symbolism, food, foods, religion, religions, home, family, families, shpasik, jtoons
"I forgot my wig."