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"We look for people who can quickly adapt to changes in the workplace."
'Well, Mr. Bell, I must say in all my years in this industry I've never conducted an interview with someone so devoid of even a semblance of professionalism... You're hired.'
'We did a background check on this guy and he came up squeaky clean... just what is he trying to hide anyway?'
"You say your biggest faults are working too hard and blind loyalty to your employer. What do you take me for… An idiot?"
Tags:fault, faults, weakness, weaknesses, job interview, job interviews, interview, interviews, interviewing, skill, skills, hire, hires, hired, hiring officer, hiring officers, employer, employers, kiss up, kisses up, kissing up, suck up, suck ups, biggest fault, biggest weakness, greatest weakness, lie, lies, lying, impress, impresses, impressing, good impression, good impressions
"Sorry about that resumé. I haven't had much call recently for words or math."
"You just self-deprecated yourself right out of a job."
Tags:job interview, job interviews, personnel, hr, human resources, self-deprecation, self deprecation, self-deprecated, self deprecated, fire, fires, fired, firing, performance review, performance appraisal, job appraisal, job review, personality type, personality types, job candidate, job candidates, job applicant, job applicants, modest, modesty, loser, losers, lose out, loses out, losing out, miss out, misses out, missing out
"We don't have job titles here. Not only that, we don't even use our names. Actually, I don't even work here. To be honest, this is probably all a dream."
Tags:workplace, workplaces, informal workplace, informal workplaces, laid back workplace, laid back workplaces, new starter, new starters, new job, new jobs, dream job, dream jobs, dream, dreams, dreaming, too good to be true, job title, job titles, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews
"I'm proud of that resumé but I'm sensing 'stickler for the truth'."
Tags:resume, resumes, cv, hr, human resources, personnel, job interview, job interviews, job candidate, job candidates, job applicant, job applicants, dishonest, dishonesty, stickler, sticklers, truth, truthness, honest, honesty, honestness, lie, lies, liar, liars, deception, deceptions, white lie, fib, fibs, white lies
"It's not enough being a cat anymore. I want to be a fat cat."
Tags:cat, cats, feline, felines, anthropomorphism, anthropomorphic, personification, talking cats, talking cat, office, dreams, goals, dream, goal, investment, investments, investing, ambition, ambitions, desire, desires, aspiration, aspirations, success, successes, successful, cats in suits, life goals, meeting, business meeting, interview, job interview, job interviews, interviews, greedy, greed
"You should be aware that we already have a strong in-house candidate."
Tags:candidate, candidates, job candidate, interview, interviews, interviewing, subservient, subservience, kiss butt, kisses butt, suckup, suckups, suck up, sucks up, qualification, qualifications, skill, skills, skillset, skillsets, skill set, skill sets, job interview, job interviews, lost cause, lost causes, hopeless, hopelessness
"What the hell? We could use an idiot."
Tags:idiot, idiots, hiring, hire, hires, hired, new guy, new guys, diversity, workplace diversity, diversity hire, diversity hires, positive discrimination, moron, morons, unqualified, incompetent, incompetence, application, applications, interview, interviews, interviewing, job interview, job interviews, worker, workers, working, colleague, colleagues, co-worker, co-workers
"You seem reasonably fit - have you ever pulled a rickshaw?"
"I'm looking to hire someone who can be acquiescent without making me uncomfortably aware of it."
Tags:underling, underlings, corporate ladder, corporate ladders, acquiesce, acquiescing, subservient, subservience, attitude, attitudes, boss, bosses, manager, managers, corporate culture, power trip, power trips, new hire, new hires, ideal employee, ideal employees, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, honest, honesty, self-aware, self-awareness
"We're looking for accounting resumés which scream, '…Hire me! I'll playalong'."
Tags:business, businessman, businessmen, boss, bosses, executive, executives, exec, execs, manager, managers, management, office, offices, office life, personnel, hr, h.r., human resources, recruitment, recruiter, recruiters, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, applicant, applicants, candidate, candidates, cv, c.v., curriculum vitae, resume, resumes, job, jobs, hiring, accounting, accountant, accountants, playing along, cooperation, ethics, unethical, fraud, scandal, scandals, suspicious, questionable
Shrew, Resilient, Resourceful, Unemployed
Tags:business man, business men, businessman, fired, firing, getting fired, canned, can, canning, getting canned, getting the sack, sacking, sacked, laid off, laid-off, lay off, lay-off, lay offs, lay-offs, redundancy, made redundant, redundancies, downsizing, unemployed, unemployment, businessmen, businessperson, positive, positivity, positive outlook, positive outlooks, buzzword, buzzwords, business talk, business speak, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews
"This is fine, General, but how are your typing skills?"
Tags:personnel, hr, h.r., human resources, recruitment, recruiter, recruiters, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, applicant, applicants, candidate, candidates, cv, c.v., curriculum vitae, resume, resumes, job, jobs, experience, hiring, military, general, generals, typing skills, qualifications, skills, career change, career changes, changing careers, new job, new jobs, new career, new careers, modern life
"I see by your resume that you've got a big problem with formatting."
Tags:cv, curriculum vitae, curriculum vitaes, resume, resumes, job application, job applications, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, modern technology, modern technology, formatting, text formatting, under qualified, under-qualified, unqualified, bad interview, bad interviews, computer skills, out of touch, behind the times
"Give me a hug. I can tell a lot about a man by the way he hugs."
Tags:interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, job application, job applications, handshake, handshakes, hug, hugs, hugging, interview technique, interview techniques, interviewer, interviewers, personnel, personnel officer, personnel officers, new job, new jobs, surprise, surprises, personal space, personal boundaries
'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'
"I've been working from home for the last couple of years."
Tags:job application, job applications, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, bad interview, bad interviews, self employed, self-employed, self employment, lazy, laziness, bad habits, personnel, personnel officer, personnel officers, working from home, layabout, layabouts, bad impression, bad impressions, first impression, first impressions, coronavirus, covid-19, work from home, home office, home offices, recluse, self-isolate, self-isolations
"Do I want the job? Huh, I never thought about it like that."
Tags:job, jobs, job offer, job offers, desire, desires, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, recruit, recruits, recruiting, recruitment, lazy, laziness, position, positions, want, wants, need, needs, new perspective, new perspectives, different perspective, different perspectives, hr department, human resources, hiring, hiring officer, hiring officers
"The garden is my résumé."
"I see by your resumé that you're my daughter's kitty."
"Am I a team player? Are you kidding? I was in a cult."
Tags:cult, cults, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, job application, job applications, team player, team players, interview question, interview questions, cliche, cliches, teamwork, team work, offices, office job, office jobs, office work, office worker, office workers, desk job, desk jobs, social deviant, social deviants, business jargon, buzzword, buzzwords
"For your convenience, there's a parking garage just next door."