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"We can't offer you the satisfaction of a gratifying career, but how does a paid week off and dental sound?"
'The good news is that we've created six new jobs...and the better news is that they're all yours.'
"Do I want the job? Huh, I never thought about it like that."
Tags:job, jobs, job offer, job offers, desire, desires, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, recruit, recruits, recruiting, recruitment, lazy, laziness, position, positions, want, wants, need, needs, new perspective, new perspectives, different perspective, different perspectives, hr department, human resources, hiring, hiring officer, hiring officers
Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton
Tags:new jersey, princeton, professor, professors, delaware, washington, george washington, icon, icons, iconic, cross the delaware, crossing the delaware, founding father, founding fathers, tenure, teacher, teachers, teaching, job offer, job offers, ivy league, faculty member, faculty members, teaching position, teaching positions, phd, phd candidate, phd candidates
"Really? You'd like to be part of this?"
"Oh dear did we neglect to read the contract thoroughly?"
Help wanted. Various positions available.
"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."
Tags:resume, resumes, cv, hr, human resources, personnel, job candidate, job candidates, job applicant, job applicants, job offer, job offers, job interview, job interviews, interview, interviews, work history, work histories, work experience, work experiences, interviewer, interviewers, job skill, job skills
"Congratulations. You have the skills we're looking for, and you'll just fit a cubicle."
"The salary is excellent and the benefits are outstanding. So... which would you prefer?"
Tags:job interview, job interviews, job offer, job offers, recruitment, recruiter, recruiters, personnel, h.r., hr, human resources, new starter, new starters, benefits, workplace benefits, salary, high salary, competitive salary, salaries, high salaries, competitive salaries, choice, choose, choosing, comp & bens, compensation and benefits, compensation & benefits
"Welcome aboard, Parker. Your tusks precede you."
'Sure, it seems harmless, but you hire one human and the next thing you know, they're taking your job.'
"Here. We promised you a big lab."
Tags:dog, dogs, lab, labs, laboratory, laboratories, labrador, labradors, dog breed, dog breeds, scientist, scientists, scientific breakthrough, scientific breakthroughs, job offer, job offers, sweetheart deal, research facility, researcher, researchers, misunderstanding, misunderstandings, misunderstood
"You'll bite the bullet, get kicked in the teeth, and be asked to grin and bear it... but dental is included."
Tags:job offer, job offers, comp and bens, benefits, workplace benefits, dental, dental plan, dentist, dentists, metaphor, metaphors, teeth, tooth, bite the bullet, kicked in the teeth, grin and bear it, perks, perks of the job, difficult job, difficult jobs, thankless task, thankless tasks, new employee, new employees
"Of course it's quite common to sign contracts in BLOOD these days..."
'You'll be hearing from us! Hello?'
"I'm going to write a figure on this paper. You tell me if it looks like a turtle."
Tags:draw, draws, drawing, drawing contest, drawing contests, art school, art schools, executive, executives, business offer, business offers, turtle, turtles, money, figure, figures, job offer, job offers, hiring officer, hiring officers, hire, hires, hired, personnel, job interview, job interviews, recruitment, recruiting, job recruitment
'How would like my resume? Slides, internet, webinar, 4 color glossy brochure, classic hardcopy, interpretive dance?'
'You're 40+, your looks are gone and you're invisible to men. How would you like a career as a contract killer for the CIA?'
'We were going to give you a job interview, until you mentioned that you actually wanted to get paid.'
"You realize, of course, that if you take this position you'll be my sidekick?"
"The person who gets this job must demonstrate a sincere willingness to go down with the ship."
'Yes, I'm willing to accept the job on a 90-day probational basis. Do I report to my former probation officer?'
We're prepared to offer you a starting salary in the low six figures...if you count the decimal.
"I got a call today from the forces of evil. They're asking me to join."