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'I'm perfect for the job... I've got huge ears; tons of candy for stockings, and, in a pinch, I can deliver to everywhere in the world in one night.'
'After upgrading my position, they downsized me from it and outsourced it offshore.'
'Consulting services: know-it-alls wanted"
"I can't promote you to that position ... you'd be perfect for the job."
'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'
"I'm sorry, but to reach our diversity goals, this position must be filled by someone who is gluten free."
'I can't promote you to that position ... you'd be perfect for the job.'
'This job position is very secure. I guarantee you'll never advance or get promoted.'
'There's no vacancy for piss-artist-in-residence at the moment.'
'The boss now says my job position was safe from cutbacks, not me!'
'We haven't quite worked out all the bugs in his merger!'
'I was originally promised a post in finance.'