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'Correct. And in the case of a cardiac arrest, every second counts. Who can tell me why? Anyone? Clock's ticking.'
'Would you mind if these junior managers have a go at assessing the profitability of your treatment?'
'Actually, you're my second patient if you count that cadaver in med school.'
'I can't read a word of this essay of yours. Excellent work.'
'I told you he wouldn't waste any time starting his practice.'
"You the guy who donated his body to science?”
Tags:be the bearer of bad news, bad news, bearer of bad news, science, donation, donate to science, donate, donated, organ donation, medicine, doctor, doctors, unexpected, health, healthcare, healthy, death's door, dark humor, dark humour, black humor, black humour, cadaver, cadavers, medical training, junior doctor, specimen, specimens, consultant, consultation, checkup, check-up, checkups, check up, get well, get well soon, well wishes
"When did your shift start?" - "February!"
'This is your spinal column...It's a bunch of bones that runs up and down your back and keeps your legs from going all the way up to your neck.'
"I'm afraid there aren't any doctors available but we do have a management consultant who is going to give your condition a helpful acronym and set up a policy review committee to consider its treatment..."
Tags:management consultants, management consultant, nhs reform, medical reform, nhs reforms, medical reforms, junior doctor, junior doctors, cuts, health service, manager, management, nhs, nursing, nurse, cuts, cutbacks, doctors strike, doctors, seven day nhs, nhs crisis, doctor shortage, doctor shortages
'Higgins, control yourself and sit down!'
You had to review your diagnosis?
Should medical students be asked their political opinions?
'I'd love to have you join, Mom, but the medical school I go to doesn't have a PTA.'
"The doctor said he'd write a prescription for you as soon as he completes his literary degree."
'I don't make house calls. My mom won't let me leave the yard.'
'The doctor will be right with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'
"Every year my workload increases...back-calculation shows that in the 80's I must have been doing no work at all."
'Do you still have my rectal thermometer?'
'I purchased this for my daughter. After reading about the effect of the healthcare law on the practice of medicine, I want to return it.'
"The important thing is to learn from our mistakes."
Patient: The NHS
'You really love medical college, eh?' (body parts tattooed on man's torso).
'Maybe we should have bought him the private version.'