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"Just sitting here widening. You?"
'I had to report it. Based on your lifestyle, your heart attack was premeditated.'
"You've got the blood pressure of a teenager ? who lives on junk food, TV and the computer."
"You wanna watch the Hunting Channel or the Gathering Network?"
Man to lady regarding 'Resistance Exercises' book: 'No thanks. I've been an expert on resisting to exercise for 20 years.'
'I love playing fetch, but sometimes worry that I'm the only one getting the exercise. I suppose what I'm trying to say is, hey, best friend, why don't you fetch this one.'
Couch potatoes/Spud Rugs.
"Energy drinks my foot! I've drunk 10 cans a day and now I don't have enough energy to get off the couch!"
'He's very particular about how far we walk.'