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'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'
'And if you like we can arrange for you to receive next to last rites on the morning of your surgery.'
"Personally, I prefer cremation."
Tags:cremation, cremations, cremating, cremated, cremate, cremates, burial, burials, funeral, funerals, undertaker, undertakers, murder, murders, crime scene, crime scenes, buried body, buried bodies, corpse, corpses, funeral service, funeral services, funeral arrangement, burial arrangements, burial arrangement, funeral arrangements, last rite, last rites
"Don't feel too badly about your past. I used to work for News of the World.
"I want to be cremated and have my ashes sprinkled on the Republican Party."
Tags:republican, republicans, republican party, republican party member, republican party members, gop, grand old party, loyal, loyalist, the base, lifelong member, lifelong members, revenge, get revenge, getting revenge, vengeance, deface, defaces, defacing, conservative, conservatives, conservatism, cremated, last wish, last wishes, deathbed, deathbeds, death bed, death beds, last rites, vow, vows, final vow, final vows
"Would anyone like to say any final words about Carl from accounting?"
Tom's last day.
Doctors Without Boundaries
Tags:death, dying, mortality, sick, sickness, terminal, doctor, doctors, medical, medicine, hospice, hospices, last words, last rites, hospital, hospitals, materialism, rude, rudeness, last will and testament, inheritance, stuff, things, palliative care, bedside manner, bedside manners, malpractice, inappropriate
"You have nothing to fear, my son. You're not my type."
Even Bob's deathbed confession was lame.
'As long as sister Margaret is in the car while you're driving, I get $900 off my insurance!'
Your Name Here
Tags:gravestone, gravestones, tombstone, tombstones, headstone, headstones, grave marker, grave markers, grave, graves, tomb, tombs, cemetery, cemeteries, graveyard, graveyards, epitaph, epitaphs, burial, interment, death, dying, funeral, funerals, last rites, undertaker, undertakers, hearse, hearses, memorial monuments, graveyard
"He didn't have any last words. He just sang the national anthem and then went blank."
Tags:national anthem, last word, last words, final words, deathbed, deathbeds, patriot, patriots, patriotism, star-spangled banner, usa, america, american, last rites, death bed, death beds, hospital, hospitals, terminal, terminal condition, anthem, anthems, national anthem, god save the queen, god save the king, united kingdom, elder, elders, elderly
'Could I give him a quick flu jab? - Government targets y'know.'
In Case of Accidents
"This is the part of the job I hate."
Priest issues last rites to lemmings.
'I realized I was in the wrong room when he woke up during last rites. Freaked him out pretty bad.'
'Could you hurry along, padre? I badly need a pair of kidneys.'
Boxer receives the last rites before his fight.
8 Ball Execution
Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.
'I'll have to get back to you with an answer for you question, my son.'
'Alright, alright. You can take it with you.'
'When I told him the wine he wants with his last meal wouldn't be ready to drink for another 5 years, he said he could wait.'