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"The boys chipped in for a little parting gift."
'We're collecting for Charlie. He's leaving because he won the lottery.'
'He's not leaving, but if we collect enough, he might.'
'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'
'I want to thank everyone for the wonderful concrete boots and the watch that's good to 300 feet.'
'I'm collecting for Linda in accounting. She won the lottery and is leaving.'
'Excuse me sir, but you're not allowed to take up a collection unless you work here!'
STRIP Hambone: Office collection for a retiring computer
'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'
'There wasn't much of a collection I'm afraid. Most of the people who really liked you are dead.'
'I'd feel like a hypocrite contributing to his farewell gift after firing him.'
"We normally give our retirees a gold watch. But, since you were always late we just figured you didn't know how to use one."
"Since you're all leaving the company under a cloud, you'll be receiving umbrellas instead of gold watches."
"Don't keep me in suspense, Michael - what did they give you, a gold watch or a cheque?"
"Final bit of business, for William's leaving present are opting for the gold watch and Mediterranean cruise or the packet of out of date biscuits and photo of our collective bottoms?"
"Work another year and we'll install a battery,"
"...We've clubbed together to get you something as a token of our appreciation. I think the staples are included."