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'The company needs to cut it's overheads..we need you legal advice.'
'I'm looking for legal advice.' 'Don't get involved with lawyers. That will be £75.'
'Why do divorces cost so much?' - 'Because they're worth it.'
"$865 attorney fee, $198 title insurance fee, $150 administration fee, $135 title search fee, and heck, let's add a $200 'at this point the client probably won't notice anyway' fee."
30 pounds to ask one question. £30? Right, I'll send you my bill.
Don't remind me time is money. I'm the lawyer here!
Lawyer's in and out boxes say pro bono & anti bono.
True: The national rifle association has recently encouraged its members to purchase new 'self-defence insurance' for $165 a year - Is shooting people causing you legal problems?
'If people want proper legal advice they've got to expect to cover our overheads...'
'...If you cannot afford a lawyer, the trial will go a lot faster.'
'Well, yes, I suppose you could appeal. However, if you lost, you'd be responsible for all court costs.'
A third of the buck stops here.
"Why do you want to know where I hid the money?"
"Now tell me your legal problem very slowly, with every detail, no matter how irrelevant. Feel free to digress, babble and, especially, backtrack."
'It will be costly to respond to climate change by reducing our emissions. Those costs can be offset by savings in legal fees, for preparing and defending our environmental impact statements.'
"With regard to costs, we'll be using the legal maxim numerum coniecta, nunc cognomina -- or 'think of a number, double it' ..."
'This search fee seems very high. Solicitor.'
'...no, not arbitrary; the legal fee is calculated by multiplying my girth by the surface area of my desk and dividing that by the length of my secretary's skirt.'
'Good news! There's some money in the budget so I can afford to fire you.'
'Our study reveals that second best policy, retaining a lawyer, is still less expensive then best policy, honesty.'
'I always fought for the little guy, then I had an epiphany that the big guys had all the money.'
'I'm giving you life imprisonment.' - 'Please don't do that your honour, my client hasn't paid his bill yet.'
'I saved myself a fortune, by acting as my own defence lawyer.'
'It's going to take ALL YOU HAVE, to sue them for ALL THEY HAVE, in order for ME to make ALL THE MONEY I WANT!
Attorneys: Guess What the Name of the Game Is.