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'It makes the law seem so dull, so dry where's the place for drama, creativity and invention!'
'So (Hic) what about another squillion IF I close the deal in three months?'
'Well, yes, I suppose you could appeal. However, if you lost, you'd be responsible for all court costs.'
'I move to have all charges, against my client, dismissed. He's paying me handsomely to defend him, and he expects me to make a bold move like that.'
Cheapest 'High-Priced Lawyers' Anywhere.
"Now tell me your legal problem very slowly, with every detail, no matter how irrelevant. Feel free to digress, babble and, especially, backtrack."
On top of all the legal fees, I've got like 20 books checked out of the library right now.
'Hello, Professor. When do we learn billing?'
'My fee will be one third of the two million you're suing for, but remember, I do all the work.'
'...no, not arbitrary; the legal fee is calculated by multiplying my girth by the surface area of my desk and dividing that by the length of my secretary's skirt.'
'Meerchump and Meerchump Law office ... '
'My faith in the justice system gets a boost every time a client pays my fee.'
'Our study reveals that second best policy, retaining a lawyer, is still less expensive then best policy, honesty.'
'It's not a computer, it's a cash register. You know, cha-ching.'
'I saved myself a fortune, by acting as my own defence lawyer.'
'I'm giving you life imprisonment.' - 'Please don't do that your honour, my client hasn't paid his bill yet.'
'I always fought for the little guy, then I had an epiphany that the big guys had all the money.'
'Cold today, isn't it?' - 'Yes, I actually saw a solicitor with his hands in his own pockets.'
'I hear your fees are very reasonable.'
'How much would it cost me to ask you a question?' - 'What's your second question?'
'What happens after the divorce?' - 'Your wife keeps the house, you keep the car, and I keep the money.'
'How's my lawsuit coming?' - 'Sorry, I could only get a settlement of £50,000 and after all you deserve some money as well.'
'To be honest, I don't stand a chance against your wife's lawyer. But, hey. I'm cheap, right?'
'... And you'll be pleased to learn that my fees are reassuringly expensive.'
'Remember, there's nothing to fear, except fear itself and costly litigation.'