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'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'
'I'm off to the loo....I'll be back in £270!'
'It makes the law seem so dull, so dry where's the place for drama, creativity and invention!'
'So (Hic) what about another squillion IF I close the deal in three months?'
'Well, yes, I suppose you could appeal. However, if you lost, you'd be responsible for all court costs.'
'I move to have all charges, against my client, dismissed. He's paying me handsomely to defend him, and he expects me to make a bold move like that.'
Cheapest 'High-Priced Lawyers' Anywhere.
"Now tell me your legal problem very slowly, with every detail, no matter how irrelevant. Feel free to digress, babble and, especially, backtrack."
On top of all the legal fees, I've got like 20 books checked out of the library right now.
'Hello, Professor. When do we learn billing?'
'My fee will be one third of the two million you're suing for, but remember, I do all the work.'
'...no, not arbitrary; the legal fee is calculated by multiplying my girth by the surface area of my desk and dividing that by the length of my secretary's skirt.'
'Meerchump and Meerchump Law office ... '
'My faith in the justice system gets a boost every time a client pays my fee.'
'Our study reveals that second best policy, retaining a lawyer, is still less expensive then best policy, honesty.'
'I always fought for the little guy, then I had an epiphany that the big guys had all the money.'
'I'm giving you life imprisonment.' - 'Please don't do that your honour, my client hasn't paid his bill yet.'
'I saved myself a fortune, by acting as my own defence lawyer.'
'It's not a computer, it's a cash register. You know, cha-ching.'
'I hear your fees are very reasonable.'
'What happens after the divorce?' - 'Your wife keeps the house, you keep the car, and I keep the money.'
'How much would it cost me to ask you a question?' - 'What's your second question?'
'How's my lawsuit coming?' - 'Sorry, I could only get a settlement of £50,000 and after all you deserve some money as well.'
'The good news is, I got you the best lawyer money can buy. The bad news is, I used up the loot to pay him.'
'To be honest, I don't stand a chance against your wife's lawyer. But, hey. I'm cheap, right?'