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'Now that you're 10, we can tell you the truth: beauty isn't actually in the eye of the beholder, there are international standards... and you haven't met them.'
"Have you tried turning it on and off again?"
Tags:guru, gurus, mountain, mountains, guru on a mountain, advice, life advice, wisdom, seek, seeks, seeking, turn, turns, turning, turning on and off again, turn it on and off again, device, devices, break, breaks, breaking broken, help, helps, helping, fix, fixing, fixes, quick fix, electronics, technology, new technology, obvious
A la Carte
Tags:therapist, therapists, a la carte, menu, menus, menu option, menu options, therapy session, therapy sessions, life coach, life coaches, life advice, adviser, advisers, advisor, advisors, psychoanalysis, psychoanalyzing, psychoanalysing, psychologist, psychologists, shrink, shrinks, headshrinker, headshrinkers, psychiatrist, psychiatrists, additional charge, additional charges, charge, charges, charging, hidden fee, hidden fees
"'Slow and steady wins the race.' What's yours say?"
Tags:hare and tortoise, the hare and the tortoise, fortune cookie, fortune cookies, aesops fables, aesop's fables, advice, good advice, life advice, coincidence, coincidences, oblivious, obliviousness, slow and steady, slow and steady wins the race, childrens story, children's story, moral message, too late, hopeless, chinese food, chinese restaurant, chinese restaurants
"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."
Tags:stock and shares, investor, investors, investing, investment, investments, stock market, the stock market, tobacco, tobacco company, investment portfolio, investment portfolios, rich person, rich people, the one percent, the 1 percent, wealth divide, wealth gap, life advice, good advice, fathers and sons
"Face it - there is no good time to get married, have children, and move to Jersey."
Tags:have children, children, kids, married, marriage, kid, marries, life, decision, decisions, time, timing, timed, life planning, planned, jersey, new jersey, jersey city, life advice, advice, advise, advising, adviser, relationship, relationships, marry, have kids, move house, moving house, middle age, middle-age, average life, typical, no good time
"I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand you, but this is a dry cleaner's."
Tags:bartender, bartenders, advice, life advice, bad marriage, bad marriages, dry cleaner, dry cleaners, dry-cleaner, dry-cleaners, overshare, oversharing, mistake, mistakes, take advantage, taking advantage, drycleaner, drycleaner's, cliche, cliches, accident, accidents, drowning your sorrows, pub, bar, bad relationship, bad relationships
"Careful- it might be a trap!"
"Failure is relative- to a dead person, you're a success."
"The problems will remain the same, but apparently they get wordier and wordier."
"My motto was 'Go with the Flow," but I had no idea it ended up here."
"So, how goes the quest for fire?"
Tags:caveman, cavemen, neanderthal, neanderthals, barman, barmen, bar man, bar men, bar tender, bar tenders, bartender, bartenders, drink, drinking, drinker, drinkers, cave man, cave men, fire, discovering fire, discovery of fire, evolution, life advice, quest for fire, developing technology, technologies
"Now, if I were you I'd lose some weight, get contact lenses, put lifts in my shoes, wear a toupee, grow a moustache, and start smoking a pipe."
"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."
Tags:bookkeeping, bookkeeper, bookkeepers, double entry bookkeeping, double-entry bookkeeping, alice in wonderland, alices adventures in wonderland, the walrus and the carpenter, walrus and the carpenter, cabbages and kings, accounting, accountant, accountants, financial transaction, financial transactions, fathers and sons, life lesson, life lessons, life advice, good advice, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, growing up, child rearing, kid, kids, child
"Could you all please just listen to my sermon instead of asking me what I would do?"
Tags:jesus, preach, preaches, preacher, preachers, religious leader, religious leaders, advice, opinion, opinions, action, actions, christian, christians, christianity, sermon, sermons, oration, orations, listen, listens, teaching, teachings, lesson, lessons, question, questions, ask, asks, asking, stressed out, hands up, life advice
"You can do anything in life, son... as long as it's something that can be done by a duck."
"Some will love you and some will hate you. It's always been that way with anchovies."
"If you're ever granted three wishes, don't blow them all on a giant body with tiny arms legs."
Tags:potato, potatoes, three wishes, wish, wishes, regret, regrets, regretful, genie, genies, mistake, mistakes, life decisions, advice, giving advice, life advice, potato, magic lamp, magic lamps, magic lantern, magic lanterns, no wishes, ali baba and the 40 thieves, ali baba and the forty thieves, out of wishes, no more wishes
"Remain calm and list your goals in order of priority."
Make it look easy, while underneath you're paddling like hell.
Temporary and Permanent Writer's Block
Tags:writer, writing, writes, writing advice, book, books, career, careers, life, life advice, passion, passions, fish, fish store, mom and pop, mom, pop, author, authors, poetry, poets, poet, novel, novels, block, blocked, inspire, inspiration, permanent, temporary, work, worker, works, working, writer's block, writers block, writer block, writing block, type, typing, novel, novelist, novelists, literature, literary, career change, career changes
"Remember, son, keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and anyone who says 'Beer me' as far away as possible."
Tags:father, fathers, fatherhood, dad, dads, life, life lessons, lessons, parental, parent, patriarch, teaching, life advice, counsel, father son, boss, mentor, mentoring, mentors, paternal, enemies, friend, friends, making friends, friendships, wise words, wisdom, words of wisdom, wise, modern life, beer, beers, beer me, avoid, annoying, irritating
'Always remember you're unique... just like everyone else!'
"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."