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"You call that a suit?"
'Well, Mabel, I disagree. I thought the writing style in 'get cremated, not buried when you die' was fine, but there was no plot.'
"My latest book has so far failed to make a dent in any of their charts, e-book or normal."
'Umm, well, thank you Mr. Snuggles for that unorthodox report on 'To kill a mockingbird'.'
'I admire the way you've woven the different themes together to develop a complex and thought proviking narrative, but to be honest it doesn't really make for a very useful shopping list.'
'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'
"The 'Times' called his novel 'downloadable'."
The best books of the year you never got around to reading.
Buy the Book - Denounce the Author.
"Not that journey through symbolism and metaphor again."
'Then it's agreed. It doesn't have to rhyme.'
'My review of the phone book: a hefty paperback with too many characters & not enough plot development.'
"Constructive criticism? It says I can't write my way out of a paper bag, and you call it constructive criticism."
Literary critics have a very special sense of humor.
"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."
"You're lucky to have your case tried by Judge Hemingway. He's known for his short snappy sentences."