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"Owing to cutbacks in our news department, here is Rod Ingram to guess at what happened today in a number of places around the globe."
Tags:cutback, cutbacks, news, news program, news programs, journalist, journalists, journalism, small budget, small budgets, smaller budget, smaller budgets, lose money, loses money, losing money, print media, death of print media, profit, profits, profit motive, profit motives, profit margin, profit margins, cut costs, cuts costs, cutting costs, scale back, scales back, scaling back, shrinking audience, shrinking audiences, consequence, consequences, guess, guesses, guessing, guessing game, guessing games, estimate, estimates, estimating, estimation, estimations, reporter, reporters
Having never read the back of one of his products, Paul is horrified to discover how much he is giving away.
"There, there! Two, maybe three doors down. Someone has an idea!"
Tags:diving rod, divining rods, idea, ideas, new idea, new ideas, blocked, bereft, thought, thoughts, paradigm, paradigms, new paradigm, new paradigms, good idea, good ideas, failing business, failing businesses, profit, profits, lose money, loses money, losing money, search, searches, creative, creativity
"I love travel - it's so much fun to spend money in a different place."
"Casual dress hasn't yielded the results we'd hoped for."
'Whatever you do, don't offer an extended warranty on that nose-hair trimmer.'
Tags:yeti, bigfoot, big foot, hair, hairy, hairs, trimmer, trimmers, trim, trims, trimmed, trimming, nose hair, nose, noses, nose hair trimmer, cut, cutter, cuts, cutting, warranty, extended warranty, hazard, hazards, risk, risky, losing money, loss of money, overuse, overused, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
Things will turn around eventually... Meanwhile....
'The numbers don't look good. Ironically, there's no quick fix.'
'Here's where accounting went all ethical on us.'
"Even after all that's happened, I feel no less regal."
Tags:regal, crown, unemployed, deposed, farmer, farmers, royal, royalty, royals, king, kings, queen, queens, monarch, monarchs, monarchy, monarchies, poor, poverty, pauper, fall from grace, mobile home, lost, lost fortune, lost money, losing money, trailer, motor home, dignity, dignified, proud, pride, noble, majesty, regality
'Today's financial report will be a short one: We had money, now we don't.'
'We need another word for 'loss' that doesn't sound like loss.'
But under a different accounting convention ...
For your stress test, just log on to your 401k.
"For clients with an extremely low risk tolerance, I recommend they talk to someone with a ground-floor office."
Try to think of bankruptcy as an accounting procedure.
"For this year's financial picture, we've done away with graphs."
Tags:graph, graphs, economics, global economy, graph, graphs, recession, global recession, global economy, economy, picture, business, finance, finances, financial, forecast, economy, economist, comptroller, trends, debt, presentation, presentations, lose money, losing money, profit, profits, profit margin, profit margins, business presentation, business presentations
'Gentlemen... the handkerchiefs are for waving and cheering.'
'No, anabolic steroids won't keep you in the workforce longer, to make up for your 401k losses.'
'Shoulda bet on the underdogs!'
'Shouldn't we pull this corporation over and ask for directions.'
'The buck gets lost here'.
"Do you ever catch yourself wondering what the hell's gone wrong with this corporation?"
Tags:corporation, corporations, sloshed, lunch, lunches, dinner, dinners, martini, martinis, whiskey, drinker, drinkers, alcohol, alcoholic, alcoholics, alcoholism, drunk, drunks, drunkard, drunkards, drunken, meeting, meetings, boardroom, board room, boardrooms, board rooms, profit, profits, profiting, lose money, losing money
'Hi Dad. How's it going?' - 'Cruise? What cruise?! You've just been on a cruise!!!' - 'Gah! My beautiful inheritance... melting like a tiny novelty ice cube in the cocktail of my parents' retirement...' -
'No wonder we're losing money! --This organizational chart is upside down!'