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'I'M prepared to suffer the slings and arrows of misfortune, but my health plan doesn't cover that.'
''Evening, Bob - the usual?'
'If experience is the best teacher, why can't I get a student loan?'
"Oh, man, I'd give my left nut to go out with her."
'It's never been irradiated, and it never will be.'
Alright, Phil, mind if I join you? (No, not him! Say no!) Yeah, sure...
All we ever talk about is the past, we both know we've got nothing to say to each other anymore...
Bar offers seances to 'get in touch with spirits'.
'There's nothing wrong with rolling in the gutter...it keeps one off the streets.'
'Not Michelin - I'm Pub Grub of the Year!' - large grub explains to barman that he is not from the Michelin guide.
Greater crested newt in bar asking barman why he thinks the newt has had too much to drink
' You're somebody aren't you ? '
'I thought this was your round.' 'It was, but I'm trying to get in touch with my feminine side.'
'My wife doesn't understand me.' 'Are you still talking to her in Latin?'
'Oh, save your breath. I never let facts get in the way of a pleasurable prejudice.'
'I managed to crack a smile during the first 15-minures but the last 45-minutres were a bust!
'Play dumb. You can't have the culpability if you don't have the capability.'
'Someday we'll look back on this and think, ‘Why the hell didn't we sue?' '
Lightest beer on the market. Carbonated with helium.
'This beer is pale and tasteless.' 'Your glass is empty.'
'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'
'A shared sense of humour is vital for a happy relationship... As I discovered the day my wife stopped laughing.'
'You spend too much time in this stuffy pub.' 'I'll go out onto the patio.'