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"How do we know it's not full of consultants?"
Tags:troy, trojan horse, trojan horses, horse of troy, trick, tricking, trickery, deceptive, deception, deceive, greek, greeks, ancient greece, ancient greeks, greece, trojan war, consultant, consultants, adviser, advisers, hr, human resources, expert, experts, interfere, interfering, interference, expert advice, expert advisers, management consultant, management consultants, advisor, advisors, expert advisors
"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."
Tags:streamline, streamlines, streamlining, efficiency, efficiency expert, efficiency experts, expertise, expert, experts, management consultant, management consultants, mob, mobs, mob hit, mob hits, mafia, mafia hit, mafia hits, consulting firm, consulting firms, shoot, shoots, shooting, shootings, kill, kills, killing, killings, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, outside help, consultant, consultants, consulting firm, consulting firms, brutal, firing, firings, downsize, downsizes, downsizing, layoff, layoffs, laid off
"My firm has scrutinised your accounts and determined you could save a fortune by the sacking us...that'll be £300,000 please!"
"The consultants we brought in to monitor the consultants who are looking into our cutting back on consultants are recommending specialist consultants."
"You can increase your profits 60% by pressuring staff into more unpaid overtime...that will be ?83,000 please."
And then I charged him Â£5000 for an hour on 'cutting costs'.
After paying the IT consultants we didn't have enough left for proper laptops!
"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."
Keep it simple.
"The management consultants have completed their ?50,000 report, it concludes that all in all, most things considered, accepting a little give and take the overall generality of the position we're in is 'a bit rubbish'!"
Fortunately there was an interpreter for those who understood sign language.
Tragically Roger was to discover that his 'managing aggression' seminar did not work in a wilderness setting.
"Since you became a management consultant we don't seem to speak sense any more."
"For some reason I only seem to have meaningful interpersonally development verbal dialogues with other management consultants."
Tags:management consultants, management consultant, corporate lingo, corporatespeak, corporate speak, word choice, word choices, consultants, consultant, management, business consultant, jargon, language, bureaucracy, bureaucratic, verbal dialogue, self-help speak, self-help, lonely, lonely person, lonely people, alienate, alienates, alienating, isolate, isolates, social isolation
Management consultants annual face to face interpersonal relationship development party.
Tags:management consultants, management consultant, consultant, consultants, parties, party, manager, managers, corporatespeak, corporate speak, corporate buzzword, corporate buzzwords, cocktail party, cocktail parties, development party, development parties, relationship, relationships, seminar, seminars, office seminar, office seminars
"I'm afraid as a marketing strategy 'Two for One' doesn't work in the funeral business!"
Tags:management consultant, management consultants, funeral, funerals, offer, offers, tasteless, tastelessness, poor taste, funeral director, funeral directors, mortuary, mortuaries, coupon, coupons, two-for-one, 2-for-1, marketing, marketing, markets, funeral director, funeral directors, marketing genius, marketing geniuses
There are better responses to 'change' than running around the office screaming 'We're doomed!'
"I'm afraid there aren't any doctors available but we do have a management consultant who is going to give your condition a helpful acronym and set up a policy review committee to consider its treatment..."
Tags:management consultants, management consultant, nhs reform, medical reform, nhs reforms, medical reforms, junior doctor, junior doctors, cuts, health service, manager, management, nhs, nursing, nurse, cuts, cutbacks, doctors strike, doctors, seven day nhs, nhs crisis, doctor shortage, doctor shortages
'We're not interested in you...but we would like to offer you tie a position!'
'If you want to meet your target to reduce overheads I'd suggest you sack me. That'll be £13,000 plus VAT.'
Tags:manager, managers, director, directors, chairman, helping collaborator, helping, help, rescuer, saver, lifebelt, rescuing, escape, saving, salvation, management consultant, management, consultant, consulting, corporate advisor, strategy consultant, comfortable chair, armchair, uncomfortable chair
"Do you let the management consultants do everything for you?"
'Without management consultants how is the NHS meant to instigate forward facing paradigm shifts in it's client nourishment product and policy interaction strategisation?'
"Stan thinks he's better than us now that he's a bowling consultant."
'Oh why did I bring in that management consultant?'