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'Among my many talents, not shown on my resume, is that I can say 'multivarient transformative interactive analytical heterogenacity in management leadership' three times fast.'
"Since you became a management consultant we don't seem to speak sense any more."
"I knew I should have learnt more management speak!"
"HR would likes us to remove any reference to 'compassion' from the job description and replace it with 'a qualification in client facing communication and empathy management skills'!"
"Which bit of 'You're Fired' don't you understand?"
Tags:personnel, personnel realignment, fired, firing, sack, sacks, sacking, fire, fires, sacked, unemployed, personnel manager, personnel managers, office restructuring, staffing cuts, redundancy, redundancies, corporate jargon, management speak, management speech, business jargon, management jargon, communication, communicator, communicators, communications
"Things are getting desperate...we have to do something!"
"We must avoid jargon if we truly wish to empower our clients..."
"Senior staff may have to be prepared to be flexible."
Jane regretted not having invested more time in learning management speak.
"All this talk of 'putting out top-heavy management' is ridiculous!"
"He's been told he has to cut down on using meaningless 'management speak'...which is causing him a lot of problems...as it's the only language he knows!"
"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."
Tags:bureaucracy, bureaucrat, bureaucrats, bureaucracies, management speak, management speech, corporate jargon, management jargon, business jargon, corporate speak, business speak, lay off, lay offs, lay-off, lay-offs, laid off, laying off, laying-off, budget cut, budget cuts, working environment, working environments, work environment, work environments
'I'd like to thank you for participating in our new 'colleague empowerment policy'.'
'I don't want to be rushed into a reply...I'd like to a look a drawing up a 'cost benefit' forecast. A S.W.O.T. analysis would be agood idea and maybe some sort of preliminary action plan!'
'Without management consultants...'
'This report says management is ineffective, what can we do?'
'He wants me to do twice as much with half as much for less than nothing!'
"Before we start. Can I empower you to pour the coffee?"
Tags:leadership, leader, manager, management, decision, decision making, decisions, training, trainer, management training, work, worker, workers, working, employee, employees, employer, employers, staff, staffing, job, jobs, manager, managers, management, boss, bosses, ceo, ceos, empower, empowered, empowerment, working environment, corporate culture, corporate environment, management jargon, management speak
Cull people who want you to give 110%
I've got the latest geezer-jargon translator app.
Tags:app, apps, applications, applications, translator, translators, translation, translations, translating, gadget, gadgets, management speak, management language, business language, business jargon, corporate jargon, management jargon, meeting, meetings, communication, communications, communicating, geezer, geezers, slang, slangs, senior citizens, senior citizens, oap, oaps, old-age, pensioner, pensioners, old age, generation gap, generation gaps
"I let 'Think Outside the Box' go, but I must draw the line at 'Thought Spill'."
Tags:management speak, management-speak, management speech, management-speech, management jargon, office jargon, business jargon, corporate culture, corporate environment, frustration, frustrated, think tank, think tanks, business language, management language, meeting, meetings, murder, murders, murder weapon, murder weapons
"Isn't, 'buzzword' a buzzword?"
"Without sufficient levels of management then how can the firm possibly manage to instigate forward-facing paradigm shirts in it's client nourishment product and policy integration programme."