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'Everything on black is not a risk management strategy, Hoskins.'
'You're more than just a number to us, Hawkins, we see you as a real person...one with a poor work ethic and a tendency toward insubordination!'
'As a decision maker, you've got to work 24 hours a day. It takes 10 minutes to make a decision and 23 hours and 50 minutes to ask yourself if you were right.'
Colin had finished the 'One Minute Manager' and was now practising the 3467 minute tea break.
"On this management course they said that to get through your work you need to concentrate on just one thing at a time!"
Tags:manager, managers, management, managements, managing, management strategy, management strategies, delegation, delegations, delegating, delegate, delegates, management style, management styles, boss, bosses, office politics, office job, office jobs, pecking order, pecking orders, management training
"Research shows the average manager's decisions perform no better than simply flipping a coins so we're replacing you with a nickel."
He hated the way his new boss loomed over him.
Tags:cat, cats, dog, dogs, feline, felines, canine, canines, boss, bosses, supervisor, supervisors, manager, managers, management, managements, management strategy, management strategies, natural enemy, natural enemies, office politics, new boss, new bosses, supervision, close, appraisal, appraisals, annual, review, reviews
'Management is all about 'empathy', about developing positive, supportive and healthy relationships with colleagues and staff... and if you can't get that through your thick skull then you'll be as useless as you look!'
'These are the people who'll be line managing you.'
The bark starts here.
"So, it's agreed - we lay off the stick and hit them hard with the carrot."
Tags:management strategy, management strategies, incentive, incentives, motivation, motivations, motivated, motivating, workforce, workforces, work-force, work-forces, carrot and stick, employee, employees, employer, employers, working conditions, working condition, bonus, bonuses, reward system, reward systems, rewards system, rewards systems
'Bark less, work more.'
Tags:manager, managers, management, managements, corporate culture, corporate environment, corporate environments, management strategy, management strategies, management style, management styles, doghouse, doghouses, dog house, dog houses, supervisor, productivity, productiveness, work ethic, work ethics, bark, barks, barking, supervisors
'Their incessant yips, whimpers and whining were driving me nuts, so last week I put lids and little doors on their cubicles.'
'I like to manage from above.'
'Congratulations, Yomp - we're giving you a bigger carrot!'
'You wander around too much, Hinckley. I'm putting you under cubicle arrest.'
'We run an impressive wage disparity scheme here.'
'Basically, the work here is a matter of supply and demand...you upply it when I demand it!'
'We prefer not to be formal here.'
'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'
'Your evaluation is based on the next 30 seconds. Go!'
'I manage the old fashioned way. I just tell 'em: shut up and do as I say!'
'We prefer that everyone here realizes they can be replaced, Employee 2589.'
'How long before I have to start paying attention?'
'Good work is it's own reward, but delegation is even better.'