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"I think I know where the passion in our marriage has gone."
Tags:failing marriage, breaking up, divorce, divorcing, passion, passions, dead bedroom, dead bedrooms, passionate, husband, husbands, wife, wives, relationship, relationships, couple, couples, spouses, spouse, marriage, married, arts and crafts, egg painter, egg painters, egg painting, collection, collections
"For our paper anniversary, he's going to assume my share of the national debt."
Tags:relationship, relationships, marriage, married, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, couple, couples, men, man, woman, women, old age, old people, ageing, aging, debt, in debt, paper anniversary, first year of marriage, anniversary, anniversaries, gift, gifts, present, presents, national debt
"Don't walk away from me while I'm not paying any attention to you."
"If I had known you were going to wear the thong I would have killed myself."
Tags:boyfriend, boyfriends, girlfriends, dating, date, dates, relationship, relationships, husband, wife, husbands, wives, couple, couples, marriage, married, marry, swimsuits, bathing suit, bathing suits, swimming costume, swimming costumes, swim trunks, beachwear, summer, summertime, sun, sunshine, beach, beaches, embarrassed, embarrassing, exaggerated, exaggerate, exaggerating, dramatic, confident, confidence, nagging, nag, bother, bothering, annoy, annoying, pestering, pestered
"And because of this one, human indiscretion, the man and wife never trusted each other fully again."
Tags:marry, marriage, married, marries, infidelity, cheat, cheats, adulterer, adulterer, campfire, scout camp, scout, scouts, camping, camps, trust, trusting, indiscretion, human indiscretion, divorce, divorcing, relationship, relationships, divorces, divorcees, scary, scare, scary stories, story, ghost, ghost story, wife, husband, wives, husbands, tent, tents, scouting
"I'm not anti-social; I'm just at a point in my life where I find all your friends really, really annoying."
Tags:married, married life, marriage, dinner party, dinner parties, parties, party, couple, couples, double, double up, double date, dating, socialise, socialising, socialised, socialize, socializing, socialized, visit, visits, visiting, courtesy, courtesies, courteous, out to dinner, eating out, out to eat, fine dining, restaurants, restaurant, friend, friendship, friendships, friendly, unfriendly, companion, companions, dislike, like, disliked, annoyed, annoy, annoying, annoyance, introvert, introverted, cut the crap
"Look at you! Breaking out the good sweatpants today."
Tags:marriage, married, marrying, married life, argument, arguing, argue, argues, husband, wife, date, date night, fashion statement, fashion statements, fashion, fashion police, fashion crimes, faux pas, sweat, pants, sweat pants, sweatpants, casual, dress code, dress, code, pants, trousers, wrong trousers, honey, moon, honey moon period, honeymoon period
"I'll give you an inch."
Tags:relationship, relationships, marriage, married, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, couple, couples, men, man, woman, women, sayings, saying, expression, expressions, conversation, conversations, discussion, discussions, arguments, argue, arguing, dispute, disputes, give them and inch and they will take a mile, inches, miles, measurement
"Baseball or Anthrax?"
Tags:bill, clinton, politics, politician, politicians, political, political leader, political leaders, government, governments, president, presidents, underwear, pants, boxers, boxer briefs, undergarments, shorts, attraction, attractive, relationship, relationships, marriage, married, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, couple, couples, men, man, woman, women
(I'm tasting berries with deep earth overtones and a definite hint of almond) (That would be the Cyanide.)
"Do you think I wanted to get the paper towels with the ugly borders?"
Tags:domestic, domestic life, domestic bliss, married couple, married, married life, grocery, groceries, marriage, old married couple, household, house, houses, home, homely, household chores, chore, chores, paper towel, paper towels, shopping, shopped, men, man, husband, husbands, husbands and wives, wife, wives, nag, nagged, nagging, nags, fishwife
"It's your job to work hard and get good grades, David. It's my job to make your mother laugh."
"Gays and lesbians getting married – haven't they suffered enough?"
"Just hand-wringing and watching helplessly."
"I can remember when he used to try to tell us things."
"I'll be on the porch, pushing ninety."
Tags:married, marriage, couple, couples, spouse, spouses, relationship, relationships, husband, husbands, wife, wives, old people, old age, aging, ageing, sports fans, fans, fan, sport, sports, baseball, baseball fans, baseball team, professional baseball, retired, retirement, new york, new york city, nyc, queens
"I know I promised to be faithful but I hadn't counted on the 'El Nino' effect."
Tags:weather, weather pattern, weather patterns, relationship, relationships, ocean, oceans, marriage, married, husband, husbands, el nino, el niño southern oscillation, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, cheat, cheater, cheaters, couple, couples, excuse, excuses, men, man, woman, women, adulterer, adulterers
"Of course I'm down. I'm thirty-five years old and I've never run a studio."
"God has chosen to ignore my prayers concerning the outcome of this year's election, and so I feel that I am once again free to be a very bad little boy."
Tags:politics, politician, politicians, political, political leader, political leaders, government, governments, president, presidents, election, elections, relationship, relationships, marriage, married, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, couple, couples, men, man, woman, women, god, gods, religion, religious, prayer, prayers, pray
"I had this horrible nightmare that I went to bed in my toupee and spent the entire night looking like an idiot."
Tags:toupee, toupees, hair, hair loss, bald, balding, hair thinning, thin hair, receding hairline, going bald, gone bald, bald-headed, fake hair, wig, wigs, men, middle aged, husband, wife, husbands, wives, couple, couples, marriage, married, marry, relationship, relationships, spouse, spouses, not a dream, reality, real life, dream, dreams, dreaming, nightmare, nightmares, night terror, night terrors
"I'm sorry. That's just the booze singing."
"I feel you should know, Maureen. I've decided to downsize our marriage."
"Do you get this joke, Harold? I don't."
"It slices! It dices! It drives a wedge between you and your wife, because you stored all the unsold units in her writing nook, not like she was using it anyways but whatever!"
Tags:sales, salesman, salesmen, husband, husbands, wife, wives, relationship, relationships, couple, couples, spouses, spouse, marriage, married, food processor, blender, blenders, food processors, appliance, appliances, household item, household items, couples dispute, couples argument, arguments, disagreement