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Rising Sea Levels - An Alternative Theory
Tags:sea, seas, ocean, oceans, water level, water levels, sea level, sea levels, rising sea level, rising sea levels, global warming, climate change, alternative theory, alternative theories, theory, theories, weight, obesity, obese, overweight, people, humans, overeating, over-eating, over-weight, fat, heavy, science, body fat, obesity crisis, health, unhealthy, eating habits, dietary habits, diet, mass, beach, beaches, swimmer, swimmers, swimming, seashore, seashores, seaside, displacement, water
"Hey, man, you didn't have to mention me by name."
"To hell with you, too."
Tags:to hell with you, peace be with you, priest, priests, mass, masses, catholic, catholics, catholic church, catholic mass, catholic masses, church service, church services, mishear, mishears, mishearing, misheard, faux pas, automatic response, automatic responses, inappropriate response, inappropriate responses, profanity, profane, blasphemy, blasphemer, blasphemers
"I just want to take a minute today to acknowledge all the guys out there named Bret who are too shy to correct people who think their name is Brad."
"I just want to thank you for not naming names."
Tags:religion, religious, church, churches, priest, priests, pastor, pastors, minister, ministers, clergyman, clergymen, reverend, reverends, speech, speeches, sermon, sermons, mass, masses, service, services, name, names, naming names, thanks, thank you, thankful, grateful, identity, identities, protection, privacy, personal privacy
Today's semon by the Rev. Robert Smith (Never on TV)
Tags:church, churches, christianity, christian, christians, church goer, church goers, mass, not famous, reverend, reverends, priest, priests, pastor, pastors, minister, ministers, religion, religions, religious, tv, tvs, television, televisions, show, shows, tv show, tv shows, television show, television shows
"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven
Tags:eye of a needle, priest, priests, vicar, vicars, mass, church service, church services, church, churches, empty church, empty churches, preacher, preachers, preaching, preach, sermon, sermons, sermonising, congregation, congregations, dog biscuit, dog biscuits, dog, dogs, dog lover, dog lovers, dog owner, dog owners, dog person, dog people
"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."
Tags:religion, religious, christian, christianity, church, churches, mass, communion, holy communion, eucharist, sacrament, sacraments, wine, sacramental wine, priest, priests, clergy, clergymen, clergyman, pastor, pastors, amen, wine tasting, wine taster, wine tasters, sommelier, sommeliers, wine steward, wine stewards, wine waiter, wine waiters, fruity, earth tone, earth tones, aroma, aromas, wine connoisseur, wine connoisseurs, drink, drinks, alcohol, alcoholic, drinking
Doctor to man: 'We've found a mass. The good news is we have weapons of mass destruction.'
The Unfriended Masses
'Hey Einstein, how about converting some of your mass into energy and getting this place cleaned up?'
"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."
It's a good thing Pastor Jones knew semaphore...
"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."
Tags:churches, religious ceremony, religious ceremonies, communions, priests, pastors, reverends, bishops, food scare, food scares, organic produce, fussy eater, fussy eaters, organic food, church, mass, catholic, eucharist, communion, priest, pastor, reverend, bishop, god, christ, jesus, extra crispy
"We are gathered here today to honour those without bone spurs."
Tags:d-day, d-day commemoration, commemoration, commemorations, normandy landings, church, church service, service, mass, masses, going to mass, bone spurs, bone spur, medical exemption, trump, donald trump, president donald trump, president trump, military draft, draft, avoiding the draft, avoided the draft, draft deferments, draft deferment
Super Bowl Sunday sermon: "Is it better to kick off or receive?"
'Once, just once, I'd like to use dribble glasses for communion. How about you?'
"Uh-oh, it's the cell phone police."
Tags:church, churches, cell phone, cell phones, mobile, mobiles, mobile phone, mobile phones, pew, pews, inopportune moment, inopportune moments, eject, ejects, ejected, ejection, mass, masses, priest, priests, pastor, pastors, congregation, congregations, christian, christians, christianity, police, eighty-six, 86ed
"Just because the preacher is from Alabama doesn't mean he's speaking in tongues."
Tags:preacher, preachers, pastor, pastors, evangelical, evangelicals, church, mass, congregation, congregations, speak in tongues, speaking in tongues, reverend, reverends, services, church service, alabama, alabama accent, alabama accents, southern accent, southern accents, hard-to-understand, difficult to understand, accent, accents, strong accent, strong accents, heavy accent, heavy accents, assumption, assumptions, assume, assumes
"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."
The collection plate at church has a piggy bank on it.
Tags:church, churches, mass, collection, collections, collection plate, collection plates, donation, donations, donation plate, donation plates, piggy bank, piggy banks, tithe, tithes, tithing, allowance, allowances, meagre offering, meager offering, meagre offerings, meager offerings, humble, humble offering, humble offerings, child, kid, kids
Tags:pastor, pastors, preacher, preachers, minister, ministers, man of god, men of god, chapel, chapels, congregation, congregations, mass, masses, flock, flocks, churchgoer, churchgoers, christian, christians, bad mood, bad moods, hellfire, hell fire, warning, warnings, warn, warns, caution, cautions, caution sign, caution signs, threat level, threat levels
"You've all abstained for at least one hour from any food and drink, except for water and medicine, right?"
Tags:dog cone, dog cones, dog collar, dog collars, confession, confessional, confessionals, elizabethan collar, elizabethan collars, catholic, catholics, catholicism, dog, dogs, canine, canines, penance, church, churchgoer, churchgoers, mass, priest, priests, hairshirt, hairshirts, hair shirt, hair shirts, cast off, casting off
'This next song's for anyone who's feeling a little lonely right now.'