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'Congratulations It's a spork'
'Wait, breathe or don't breathe? Oh jeez, why did I have to sleep through Lamaze class?'
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Smith, but our tests show your child is a changeling left by the fairies."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, nurse, nurses, patient, patients, exam, exams, examination, examinations, test, tests, testing, genetic testing, dna testing, d.n.a. testing, dna test, dna tests, d.n.a. test, d.n.a. tests, genetic test, genetic tests, parentage, paternity, maternity, changeling, changelings, fairy, fairies, faerie, faeries, kid, kids, child, children, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, family, families, adopted, adoption, adoptions, strange, unusual, fantasy, science-fiction, sci-fi, horror, myth, myths, legend, legends, folklore, biology, science, creature, creatures
New Mothers and Priorities
Though initially enthusiastic about natural childbirth, the Millers felt their midwives took the concept too far.
"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."
Tags:childbirth, childbirths, maternity ward, maternity wards, maternity, father, fathers, fatherhood, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, late, lateness, tardy, tardiness, infant, infants, son, sons, midwife, midwives, new parent, new parents, new father, new fathers, hospital, family life, family-life, better late than never, absentee, absent father, absent fathers
"Please, R.K., stop mothering me."
Tags:maternal, maternity, maternal instinct, instincts, instinctual, mother, mothers, mothering, mothered, mothers, sexism, exec, executive, executives, chief exec, chief execs, boss, bosses, businessman, business man, business woman, businesswoman, patronising, patronised, patronizing, patronized, mom, moms, mum, mums, modern, modern world, stereotype, stereotypes, gender role, gender roles
'Congratulations. You're the father of two tax exemptions.'
'It's a venture capitalist.'
'Push! That's it. It's just like passing a football.'
Mr. and Mrs. New Year have a baby
"I hear you may do a baby."
Tags:woman, women, female, females, baby, babies, having kids, having children, giving birth, pregnancy, kid, kids, child, children, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, motherhood, family, families, maternity, baby fever, gossip, gossiping, office, offices, office life, businesswoman, businesswomen
Maternity Ward - Push Hard.
'I know it's Mother's Day, but she just went into labor. She probably won't be a mother for hours.'
'This is taking too long - we'll have to induce hatching.'
'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'
'And here to perform the circumcision is the highly skilled Mr. Hakiro, of Hakiro's Sushi Bistro.'
'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'
"Your wife wants a report on your condition."
Tags:maternity, maternity ward, maternity wards, mother, mothers, parent, parents, parenting, report, reports, anxious, anxiety, anxieties, wait, waits, waiting, dad, dads, father, fathers, pregnant, pregnancy, pregnancies, give birth, gives birth, giving birth, update, updates, status, status report, status reports
"I know, dear - but there's such a thing as carrying office politics too far."
Maternity Ward - 'I wonder what his credit rating is...'
'Did you Google me before I was born to see if I was going to be a boy or a girl?'
"Ah, Mr Trubshaw. There you are. Your wife has just started having contradictions."