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Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving
"That's pork - the meat of the pig. It makes an excellent substitute for tofu."
"Dig in. It's a medallion-of-veal look-alike."
"Has anyone seen the extra firm tofu?"
'Real? No. They're all made out of soy and tofu. We wanted to crack the meatless industry up a few notches.'
"But Herman, we can't just throw in the towel like that."
Rob and Maria dated for months, until the day he realized she was made entirely out of soy.
"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."
"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."
"Of course it's a rubber duck. What did you expect? After all this is a vegetarian restaurant!"
'Dreamy! Now how many pounds of beef can you put on one bun?'
Alice became the first person in history to be beatend to death with 'vegetarian turducken'."
'That IS the chef's surprise, sir -- the pork chops are really tofu.'
'Which wine should I serve with tofu meat loaf and seaweed salad?'
"I can tell you're enjoying your alternative-meat burger. Look at the beet juice running down your chin!"
The Shoulder of Quorn
"Worlds are colliding. This is plant-based Spam."