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"How's the self-diagnosis coming?"
"The diagnostic computer think I should defrag your hard drive."
"It's a good thing we caught this in time - An ingrown mustache can be VERY serious."
'I'll put it this way: throw away the planning book and start scrapbooking.'
"The doctor said I should eat more fruit and veg - better add another olive..."
'Cut way back on grabbing for the gusto, and don't put any salt on it.'
'Maybe you ought to sell your bagpipe.'
Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.
"The doctor said I need to shop around for a casket. I asked for a second opinion and he suggested cremation."