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'Being constipated for three hours is no an emergency and does not require repeated pushing of the call button.'
Emergency Room: 'Quick! Get some ice on this injury.'
"He's complaining of chest pain, shortness of breath, cramps and dizziness. Do you sell earplugs?"
'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'
'Hi, I'll be performing your surgery tomorrow.'
'That's what I love about New York - people leave you alone.'
'I think I might need stitches.'
"He still has a dial tone."
Man who hits finger and screams for help has his mouth bound up instead of his finger by unsympathetic wife.
Energy Drink: Warning - If you still have energy after 6 hours seek medical attention immediately.
'You have reached the office of the Guinness Book of World Records. If you are calling about an erection that has lasted four hours or longer, please hang up the phone and seek immediate medical attention.'
'Do I call for an ambulance or a vet ?'
'The Senator's afraid he's irked his base. I don't know if he needs political advice or medical attention.'
'This is the slowest business has been since suitcases got wheels.'
"i'm allergic to crackers."
'Hello, NHS direct? My husband was screaming at me kids so loudly his stomach prolapsed.'
'My partner needs medical attention fast! Can I play through?'
'My wife is a teacher and she seems to be getting very tense lately.'
'I hated to call you at this hour, Doc, but my wife gets rather violent when I play poker 'till after midnight!'
'What exactly is this darling, in case I have to describe to later to a doctor?'
'Hello, I'm kicking a can across the country to promote armlessness. Care to sponsor me?'
Gone To Hospital.