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'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'
"Your son is pigeon-toed!"
"Take this, in case it flares up again."
Doctor meets the Spratts
'His pacemaker keeps opening and shutting the garage door.'
Why is everybody smiling?
'It only hurts when I sneeze.'
"I'm almost looking forward to an enlarged prostate so I can finally say I have something you've never had."
"Listen to the customers more carefully Tracey. Mr Jones has a pain in the backside, he didn't say you were one."
'ETERNITY-with my varicose veins?'
"My husband is not feeling well. He complains about his knees, his back, just about everything. Where do you think I can find a good pair of earplugs?"
'I was all right till I read, 'Your Gall Bladder and You.'
You think you have problems? I have restless leg syndrome in all 1000 legs.
'Enough about my worms, tell me about your fleas.'
'You have a complaint? Well, see a doctor!'
It appears to be some sort of computer virus.
'I see your cholesterol's acting up again.'
'We'll put your symptoms in an on-line poll and see which diagnosis gets the most votes.'
"Yesterday it was the other side, but today the side effect is this side..."
Customer to broker: 'Before I invest with you, I have to check your credibility ... how many ulcers have you had?'
I've got a terrible drinking problem...
'Strangler fig, eh. I'm sending you to a botanist, who will recommend a tree surgeon.'
'Nothing to be embarrassed about...it happens to us all once in awhile!'
'Sorry, I can't cure that, but I'd like to place you in my living room!'