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'So taking 75mg of Aspirin per day can reduce the risk of cancer by 21%...' - '...but leads to an increase in the risk of internal bleeding.' - 'Future studies are likely to indicate that medical researchers make very bad dinner party guests.'
'How's the gene-splicing going? Cloned any new hepatitis antibodies?'
Eureka! Great medical news!: 'Remember the 'heartbreak of psoriasis? Those people today are happy, happy, happy!'
August, 1897 - Arthur Eichengrun invents aspirin.
'Scant consolation I'm sure, but the medical council have named the syndrome after me.'
"What do you have that won't kill me?"
What to do till medicine is discovered....
'And now the anti-aging pill is in the market - tough luck, my dear!'
'You should have come to me sooner. I might have won a Nobel Prize for this.'
"So smoking will kill you... bacon will kill you... but will smoking bacon will cure it?"
"Boy! If I can cure you of this lot, I'll be world famous."
'Wouldn't you say the survival of this patient is a true testimony to modern medical science?'
'I think...yes...his name is here on the door: A. van Leeuwenhoek.'
'If this doctor can't keep up with the latest magazines, how can he keep up with the latest medical journals?'
Roentgen tries to figure out what he's discovered.
'OK, heads we name your malady after you, tails, we name it after me.'
Cure for Paranoia Discovered: 'Sure -- that's what they want you to think!'
'This changes everything -- I found a loophole in the genetic code!'
"Okay, so it may not be the spectacular medical breakthrough that we had been hoping for, but we have discovered a fabulous new glue."