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'The bad news is that we've detected an irregular heartbeat. The good news is that the rhythm is irresistible!'
'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'
"You can put your clothes on now."
'Actually, according to your height, you're at your ideal body weight.'
Depressed, not sleeping, low self esteem... still enough about me, what about you?
"You're a good listener. You hear my feelings."
"Any other side effects?"
'Watch the news with the sound turned off. You're suffering from information overload.'
Way too General Practitioner
"Of course my cough is productive."
Why do I need a CAT scan? I just had a whole body scan at the airport.
"Enough Trump talk. Let's get back to something less depressing."
"I'm afraid I have very bad news, the conversation between you two died."
'I have yopur lab results. Some of your readings are too high and some are too low. No, they don't balance out.'
'I was such a good student that I skipped a year in medical school - but that's why I never learned about kidneys.'
"The good news is it's not jaundice. Have you bean around any dogs lately?"
'I'd like you to check my core values.'
"Sounds good. No, wait ??" that's my iPod."
"You have repetitive motion injury."
"Today we're going to do some tests which will result to something harmless but messes up your mental health."
'Just as I suspected... you don't chew your food enough.'
"You don't need a prescription, Mr. Beesley - you need an iron...."
'It's a generic disease, so Ill give you some generic drugs.'
'Honestly, if there was a virtual prostate exam, don't you think I'd want to be the first to know?'