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'The bad news is that we've detected an irregular heartbeat. The good news is that the rhythm is irresistible!'
'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'
"You have a large, yellow mass in your albumen, but I'm told that's normal."
"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"
"And you say you've been erect for over 4 hours?"
Tags:snowmen, snowman, snow figure, snow figures, snow person, snow people, snow-person, snow-people, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, check up, check ups, physical, physicals, medical test, medical tests, medical exam, medical exams, winter, wintertime, winter-time, winters
"Give it to me nuanced, Doc."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointment, medical exam, medical exams, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, denial, nonacceptance, diagnosis, diagnoses, bad news, unfavourable diagnosis, unfavorable diagnosis, nuance, straight, give it to me, give it to me straight, tell me straight
"My back aches whenever I wear my uniform, Doc?"
"You should take it easy for a while, Mr. Harner. You've been infected by the virus of hate."
Tags:hate, hatred, anger, furious, curmudgeon, curmudgeons, curmudgeonly, grump, grumps, grumpy, enraged, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, diagnosed, examination, examinations, medical exam, medical exams, irate, irritate, irritates, irritating, irritation, irritations, personality, personality type, personality types, virus, viruses
Depressed, not sleeping, low self esteem... still enough about me, what about you?
"Hold still, Mrs. Brown, while I draw your blood."
Tags:draw, drawing, paint, painting, artist, artists, portrait, portraits, portraiture, portraitist, portraitists, drawing blood, taking blood, taking bloods, doctor, doctors, nurse, medical exam, medical exams, blood work, blood test, blood tests, pun, puns, visual pun, visual puns, play on words, wordplay
"You're in great shape. I hope you have enough retirement savings to last another 30 years."
"That's the worst paper cut I ever saw."
"Do you have any history of your hair being on fire?"
'I haven't got all your results back from the labs, but an initial 'off the cuff' diagnosis would be that you're a 'heart attack waiting to happen.'
"How often do you have this pre existing condition?"
Tags:doctor, doctors, medical exam, medical exams, doctors surgery, doctors surgeries, doctors office, pre existing condition, pre existing conditions, preexisting condition, preexisting conditions, medical insurance, insurance, insurance cover, medical bill, medical bills, medical expenses, medical expense, healthcare system, failing healthcare system, unfair system, unfair systems, rigged system, rigged systems
'Sorry, I'm a doctor. If you want that looked at, you'll have to make an appointment like everyone else.'
'Good this time turn the other way and cough.'
"You're a good listener. You hear my feelings."
'No, being forty is not the result of an aging disease.'
"So, what's with the paper dress?"
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointment, medical exam, medical exams, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, fashion, style, paper dress, dress, dresses, paper dresses, hospital gown, hospital gowns, paper gown, paper gowns, clothes, clothing, bedside manner, rude, rude doctor, rude doctors
"I had been moving money around all day, then I started shifting some blame."
Tags:doctor, doctors, patient, patients, bad back, bad backs, exam room, exam rooms, medical exam, medical exams, metaphor, metaphors, metaphorical, heavy lifting, manual handling, lift, lifting, shifting, moving, moving money around, shifting the blame, shift the blame, blame, pass the buck, manual labour, manual labor, hard work, pun, puns, wordplay
"Our records show that you haven't subjected yourself to any costly, useless tests in quite some time."
Tags:doctor, doctors, doctors surgery, doctors surgeries, doctors office, medical test, medical tests, pointless medical test, pointless medical tests, medical exam, medical exams, medical bill, medical bills, doctors bill, doctors bills, healthcare system, health care systems, flawed healthcare system, medical expenses, medical expenses
"Any tightness or difficulty breathing."
Tags:doctor, doctors, patient, patients, exam room, exam rooms, medical exam, medical exams, question, questions, medical question, medical questions, tick box question, tick box questions, stupid question, stupid questions, snake, snakes, boa constrictor, boa constrictors, crushed, crushing, tightness, difficulty breathing, snake attack, snake attacks
Way too General Practitioner
Tags:gp, general practitioner, general practitioners, doctor, doctors, family doctor, family doctors, general, generalist, bedside manner, bedside manners, bad bedside manner, medical exam, medical exams, medical examination, medical examinations, doctors surgery, doctors office, knowledgeable, unknowledgeable, lack of knowledge