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'The Doctor will see you now. Here's your medical jargon dictionary.'
'You can see the Doctor now. Don't ask him anything too medical.'
'It's just a mild hyperinsulism due to islet cell hyperplasia with a touch of hepatic insufficiency and glycogen depletion. In other words watch your diet.'
"Do you have any fresh medical mumbo jumbo?"
Tags:mumbo jumbo, nonsense, talking nonsense, medical jargon, malpractice, medical malpractice, doctor, doctors, md, mds, m.d.s, m.d., gp, gps, g.p.s, g.p., general practitioner, general practitioners, medical check up, medical check ups, clinic, clinics, doctors clinic, doctors clinics, doctor's clinic, doctor's clinics, hospital, hospitals, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointments, patient, patients
'He's started hanging around ever since he found out orthopaedic means bones!'
'There is pressure on your opticpoopular nerve, which is causing a flutter in your isis. This makes your vision blurry when you look through your corn hole.'
Tags:medical, treatment, doctor, doctors, patient, terminology, confusion, vocabulary, vocab, confusing, diagnosis, diagnoses, diagnose, straight talk, optical, optics, optometrist, eye doctor, optical nerve, iris, eye hole, socket, eyehole, eye-hole, eye-holes, eye doctors, optometrist, optometrists, jargon, medical jargon
'I can't pronounce the condition you have....I'll simply call it your affliction.'
"I'm afraid you have a bad case of psychobabble!"
"I've reviewed your file and I'm afraid you have a bad case of gobbledegook!"
'So the epithelial cells recovered by the fiberoptic branschoscopy suggests....'
'Okay, okay... I take it back! Your scrubs don't make your gut look even fatter!'
'The school is still out on precisely the right vernacular but I think it's generally agreed that 'humongous fat bastard' is overstepping the mark!'
'I appreciate you explaining it to me in terms I can understand, especially the part about Mister Stomach and the food choo-choo.'
"Stiff neck, blurred vision, and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, all due to extended time in front of a computer. I think I just discovered the ICD-10 code for my job!"
"I'm having trouble educating my patient. He keeps calling his nuclear exam results 'unclear' exam results."
"You've suffered a contusion to the soft tissue below the fourth thoracic vertebra exacerbating the proximal sternum. Translation: 'you have a bruised rib.'"
"Nothing too serious - your rotator cuff runneth over."
'Well, here's a drug that's boiled down the warnings to something you can understand: 'Side effects are real doozies. Best of luck to you.''
"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."
The second opinion was even worse than the first.
MD trash talk... "Your mama is so dumb, she doesn't know endopeptidase from endopericarditis."
"Sorry to slip into pediatric jargon. I meant to say Mason has an upset stomach rather than a widdle tummy ache."
On board the MS Hepatology
Tags:hepatology, hepatologists, hepatologist, liver, livers, liver doctors, consultant, consultants, islets of langerhans, medical specialists, medical specialist, medical jargon, pancreas, pancreases, royal navy, naval doctors, sailing ship, sailing ships, captain, captains, sailor, sailors, exploration, ships surgeon, ships surgeons, ship surgeon, ship surgeons
The Language of Health
"Appendicitis is Latin for inflamed pen."