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"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."
"It's okay...It just thinks it has Dutch Elm Disease!"
"I told you I was sick! The doc says I'm a full blown hypochondriac....and he gave me a new wonder drug called a placebo!"
Tags:doctor, doctor's office, doctors office, doctor's offices, doctors offices, doctors, gp, gps, patients, hypochondriacs, hypochondria, medical paranoia, medical problems, placebos, wonder drugs, miracle drug, miracle drugs, patients, patient, hypochondriac, drug, wonder drug, placebo, sick, irony
"I'm not feeling too great. Maybe I'll ask WebMD what's wrong with me."
Tags:medical website, medical websites, website, websites, medical diagnosis, self-diagnosis, self-diagnosing, self diagnosis, self diagnosing, diagnoses, medical advice, symptom, symptoms, paranoia, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, medical paranoia, medically paranoid, illness, illnesses, sick, sickness, sicknesses, medical malpractice, bedside manner
"I'm going to prescribe a phony cure-all for your hypochondria and a placebo for your fake vomit."
Bob had many issues, but he didn't need a doctor. He needed a vet.
Tags:vet, vets, veterinarian, veterinarians, veterinary surgeon, veterinary surgeons, doctor, doctors, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, hypochondria, medical paranoia, medical condition, medical conditions, healthcare, health care, health-care, eagle eye, bird brain, expression, expressions, idiom, idioms
"The bad news is that your hypochondria seems to be getting worse."
A phony doctor specializing in the treatment of imaginary diseases.
Tags:doctor, doctors, phonies, frauds, fraudster, fraudsters, quack, quacks, medical quack, medical quacks, phony, fraud, deceit, deception, charlatan, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, medicine, illness, disease, psychosomatic, psychosomatic, medical paranoia, illness, psychology, psychological, hypochondia, hypochondriac, health, health-obsessed, obsession
"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be DEAD!"
"The doctor thinks I'm a hypochondriac. That makes me sick."
"The doctor said I suffer from hypochondria. And you said there was nothing wrong with me."
"I think I'm probably a time wasting hypochondriac with nothing better to do than waste valuable NHS resources but I thought I'd come and get a second opinion!"
"Bad dog! What'd I say about relying on the Internet for medical advice?"
"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"
Tags:doctor, doctors, doctors office, exam room, patient, patients, healthcare, physicians, examinations, symptoms, hypochondria, hypochondriacs, hypochondriac, medical paranoia, exam table, health, mental health, computers, internet, web, medical research, self diagnosis, self-diagnosis, self-diagnoses, self diagnoses
'I think I'm probably a time wasting hypochondriac with nothing better to do than waste valuable NHS resources but I thought I'd come and get a second opinion!'
"Sorry I'm late, I had to retrieve your health records."
Tags:hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, medical paranoia, neurotic, neurotics, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, gp, gps, medical record, medical records, health problem, health problems, medical problem, medical problems, medical clinic, medical clinics, patient, patients, health record, health records, patient history
OCD over the years.
Tags:ocd, ocds, obsessive compulsive disorder, obsessive compulsive disorders, mental health, mental state, mental states, paranoia, medical paranoia, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, mental illness, mental illnesses, pregnancy, tetanus, syphilis, delusion, delusions, obsessive behaviour, obsessive thought, obsessive thoughts, compulsive behaviour, compulsive behavior, growing pains, growing up, ageing, ageing process, paranoid, paranoias
'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''
"For heaven's sake, stop worrying. You're supposed to feel sluggish!"
"He's a hypochondriac."
"Your tests came back negative. But don't give us hope. If we run some more tests, we'll eventually find something."
Tags:medical test, medical tests, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, medical paranoia, medically paranoid, hospital, hospitals, patient, patients, healthcare, health care, diagnosis, diagnoses, checkup, checkups, check up, check ups, check-up, check-ups, medical insurance, health insurance
"Each time someone enters this house, they'll be doused in antibacterial soap. It's just during the flu season."
Tags:antibacterial soap, antibacterial soaps, antibacterial spray, antibacterial sprays, influenza, flu, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, hypochondria, bacterias, germ, germs, germaphobe, germaphobes, germaphobic, bacteria, flu season, illness, sickness, medical paranoia, medical paranoias, hygiene, flu season, overprotective, over-protective, parent, parents
"keeping him in that sterile bubble may be awkward, but at least he won't catch the flu."
"I never search my health symptoms anymore. It always seems to lead to barbecue."
Tags:bbq, bbqs, barbecue, barbecues, barbeque, barbeques, cow, cows, barbecuing, cattle, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, medical paranoia, medical phobia, health phobia, medical phobias, health phobias, health paranoia, symptom, symptoms, ranch, ranches, medical website, medical websites
"You know, Burkhart, if you're so damn afraid of the flu maybe you should just stay home."