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"With symptoms like yours, you could be the next Batman!"
Tags:symptom, symptoms, bat, bats, disease, diseases, medical practitioner, medical practitioners, ailment, ailments, superhero, superheroes, hero, heroes, comic book, comic books, signs, sign, test result, test results, diagnosis, diagnosed, medical diagnosis, g.p., general practitioner, general practitioners, gps, physician, physicians, physical appearance, deformity
"We're only giving the test to people who are exhibiting symptoms of fame and/or great wealth."
Tags:doctor, doctors, medical diagnosis, medical diagnoses, diagnosis, diagnoses, gp, gos, physician, physicians, medical practitioner, medical practitioners, general practitioner, general practitioners, covid, covid-19.covid 19, corona, corona virus, coronavirus, virus, viruses, test, testing, tests, pandemic, pandemics, wealth privilege, privilege, privileges, privileged, wealth disparity, celebrity priority, high class, upper class, prioritised, priority, priorities, money, fame, great wealth, wealthy, broken healthcare system, broken system
"The doctor will see you now, Mrs. Perkins. Please try not to accept him."
Tags:doctor, doctors, doctor's office, physician, physicians, gp, gps, medical practitioner, medical practitioners, general practitioner, general practitioners, upset, upsets, upsetting, sensitive, sensitivity, stern, rude, mean, harsh, hard on someone, cause distress, nurse, receptionist, receptionists
"I'm prescribing a divorce, but these days it's practically painless."
Tags:doctor, doctors, medical practitioner, medical practitioners, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, medical diagnosis, medical diagnoses, treatment, treatments, prescribe, prescribed, prescription, proscribes, prescribing, prescriptions, divorce, divorces, marriage, marriage trouble, marriage troubles, married life, surgery, surgeries, painless, painlessness, divorce lawyer, divorce lawyers, divorce attorney, divorce attorneys
"Looks to me like you have RSI - repetitive selfie injury."
Tags:doctor, doctors, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, medical practitioner, medical practitioners, medical diagnosis, medical diagnoses, diagnosis, diagnoses, modern day, modern day issues, modern day problems, modern times, modern era, selfie, selfies, injury, injuries, wrist injury, wrist injuries, technology, mobile phone, mobile phone, camera phone, camera phones, smart phones, smart phones, self-obsessed, self-obsession, self-indulging, self-indulgent
"I find a good way to avoid stress is to close the curtains, climb into bed, and pull the covers over my head."
Tags:doctor, doctors, medical practitioner, medical practitioners, gp, g.p., gps, physician, physicians, general practitioner, general practitioners, procrastinate, procrastination, procrastinator, procrastinators, advice, advising, advised, bad advice, advisor, stress, stress disorder, stress disorders, medical advice, general check up, avoiding the problem, avoid the problem, poor advice, advisement, stress management, unethical, immoral, avoid stress, avoiding stress
'A harmless mole - but keep an eye on it.'
"Next time, Mister Clanton, think before you squat with your spurs on."
Doctors without borders, gravity, or air.
'How come when I appeared for you as an expert witness, I was an 'eminent physician'? And now that you're representing a law suit against me I'm an 'incompetent quack'?'
"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."
Tags:alternative medicine, practicing medicine, doctor, physician, medical profession, gp, gps, md, mds, medical practitioner, general practitioner, general practitioners, medical practitioners, theories, theoretical, academics, theory, practice, health practitioner, studying medicine, theoretically, where the rubber meets the road, delivering the goods, faking it, on a wing and a prayer, bedside manner, patient, patients
Tags:migraine clinic, migraine clinics, clinic, clinics, gp, gps, medical practitioner, medical practitioners, doctor, doctors, diagnosis, diagnosed, diagnoses, medical diagnosis, medical diagnoses, situational irony, irony, ironic, opposite outcome, unhelpful, business tactic, business tactics, patient, patients, never ending cycle, contrasting outcome, contrasting outcomes, mental health, emotional stress, emotional health, bad luck, striving business, thriving business
"We medical practitioners do our very best, Mr. Nyman. Nothing is more sacred to us than the doctor-plaintiff relationship."
Tags:practitioner, practitioners, medical practitioner, medical practitioners, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, doctor-patient relationship, doctor-patient relationships, bedside manner, manner, manners, personal, personality, personable, plaintiff, plaintiffs, standoffish, freudian slip, freudian slips
'Another wrist injury? As often as you've been treated, we should come up with a name for this mysterious syndrome, corporal.'
'The tests have ruled out anything expensive, so I'm referring you to a doctor who specializes in cheap diseases.'
'When I said this drug will wipe you out, I meant money-wise.'
MD trash talk... "Your mama is so dumb, she doesn't know endopeptidase from endopericarditis."
'Well, it looks benign.'
"They just don't make 'em like Doc Malone anymore!"
Tags:house call, house calls, doctor’s house call, doctor’s house calls, doctor house call, doctor house calls, home medical care, home health care, physician house call, dependable, dependability, trusty, reliable, reliability, primary physician, primary doctor, medical practitioner, frontier doctor, frontier settlement doctors, pioneer physician, rural doctors
'I purchased this for my daughter. After reading about the effect of the healthcare law on the practice of medicine, I want to return it.'
'It's hurtful enough you diagnose yourself on the internet, but then to call me a 'second opinion!''
'I'm going to refer you to doctor Yomp - he's s short, fat, bald guy too.'
'Don't pay any attention - it's just a gag gift from my patients.'
'Clive has just had a hip replacement...unfortunately, they didn't tell him what they we're replacing it with.'
GP Convention: 'You're very well, how am I?'