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"I wish I could help you, but you're on the set of a hospital soap opera."
"I'm sending you to a doctor who has two diplomas."
"Some guys from the state board of medicine are here to see you."
"Is this 'No medical student left behind' diploma the same as a regular diploma?"
"No, Billy, just because I don't have my own website does not mean I'm a quack!"
"And where exactly is 'Tooth Fairy U'?"
A Doctor has a sign on his door, 'Flown south for the winter' - 'You see Harold, I told you he was a quack!'
"No, I didn't have to 'google it' to make my diagnosis. I have these expensive books."