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'Somehow your medical records got faxed to a complete stranger. He has no idea what's wrong with you either.'
'According to the hospitals new electronic patients records system he's pregnant.'
'The doctor doesn't like computers, he prefers to lose patients' records the old fashioned way.'
"Your cholesterol and blood pressure are a little high. Your button is kind of small, but it's not bad for a seventy-one year old man."
Tags:cholesterol, cholesterols, blood pressure, blood pressures, donald trump, president trump, trump administration, us politics, american politics, u.s. politics, medical record, medical records, trump presidency, red button, big red button, big-red button, white house, harold bornstein, red button, red buttons
'Good news, when we transferred your medical history to our digital system, it suddenly became legible.'
'Advances in technology are staggering...they can spend ten times as much four times more quickly for only a tenth of the results.'
"Your DNA doesn't match your credit history."
Medical records privacy
Electronic records will prolong consultations...
"Well my records are factually CORRECT...but where's the PASSION, the MYSTERY, THE REAL ME!..." Electronic records will prolong consultations
'Why do you want to look at my history. I'm far better at Math and Geography.'
Medical Data Base of Useful Information, 5K. Medical Data base of useless information, 500,000,000 MB.
"I can't wait until we convert to electronic health records. Carry these is giving me backache."
"We don't let computers mess up your medical records. We do it by hand."
'The last Doctor to go into medical records has still not been found.'
...and in future I'm not called 'Norman Micklethwaite' but 'Howling Wolf Mackenzie'.
"Why am I a nurse? In my former lives I was a mind-reader, a juggler and a scribe."
"Your medical records are safe with us. We take patient privacy very seriously."
'According to you records you're actually dead.'
'I'm afraid the doctor can't see you until you fill out your medical history form.'
"I want you to hear it from me before you hear it from the hackers who broke into our files."
Tags:doctor, doctors, doctors office, doctors surgery, doctors offices, medical record, medical records, medical history, medical histories, personal information, personal data, hacker, hackers, hacked, hack, hacking medical records, cybercriminal, cybercriminals, patient record, patient records, hacking medical records, security failure, cybersecurity, stolen medical records, hear it from me, bad news
"According to the chart you've either stabilised or flatlined."
"I've reviewed your file and I'm afraid you have a bad case of gobbledegook!"
"Has anyone in your family ever had a history of exercise?"
Tags:exercise, exercising, fat gene, fat genes, healthy lifestyle, healthy lifestyles, healthy habit, healthy habits, obesity, fat, fatness, obese, obesity epidemic, fat epidemic, weight problem, weight problems, family history, medical records, medical record, doctor, doctors, checkup, checkups, check up, check ups, physical, physicals, gp, gps
"You're either dead, pregnant or our systems been hacked again!"