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"Personally, I never take anything but aspirin."
Tags:medication, medications, taking medication, pharmaceutical, pharmaceuticals, pharmaceutical company, pharmaceutical companies, prescription drug, prescription drug, hypocrite, hypocrites, hypocritical, aspirin, aspirins, painkiller, painkillers, scientist, scientists, science experiment, science experiments, medical research, medical researcher, medical researchers, scientific research, chemistry experiment, chemistry experiments, excess, excessive, overkill
Rats carrying lunchboxes enter a research lab as employees.
Tags:animal, animals, rat, rats, lab rat, lab rats, mice, mouse, medicine, medical testing, scientific research, medical research, science, testing, test, tests, experiment, experiments, research, researcher, researchers, scientist, scientists, lab, labs, laboratory, laboratories, animal testing, rat race, daily grind, nine-to-five, employee, employees, worker, workers, working, job, jobs, going to work
"Okay, Jaxcsunn, stay still in the crystal circle while I douse you in essential oils."
Tags:essential oil, essential oils, medical research, medical researcher, medical researchers, medical science, medical scientist, medical scientists, medical advance, medical advancement, medical advancements, mother, mothers, motherhood, pseudoscience, pseudoscientist, pseudeoscientist, pseudo-scientist, pseudo-scientists, pseudosciences, aromatherapy, aromatherapist, aromatherapists, hippy, hippies, aromatherapies, hipster, hipsters, alternative medicine, quack, quacks, modern life, modern motherhood
"Kind of makes your feel large and significant, doesn't it?"
Tags:philosophy, philosophical, medicine, medical testing, scientific research, medical research, science, research, researcher, researchers, scientist, scientists, lab, labs, laboratory, laboratories, microscopes, biology, microorganism, microorganisms, large, big, significant, important, cliche, cliches, wordplay, word play
"My God! There are traces of tuna fish in this shipment of mercury."
Tags:medicine, medical testing, scientific research, medical research, science, testing, test, tests, experiment, experiments, research, researcher, researchers, scientist, scientists, lab, labs, laboratory, laboratories, shipment, shipments, material, materials, mercury, fish, tuna, mercury poisoning, environment, environmental issues, environmental problems, mercury content, nature, science
"First and foremost, I'm a healer."
Tags:healer, healers, healing, vocation, vocations, doctor, doctors, medical research, medical researcher, medical researchers, physician, physicians, healthcare, pharmaceutical industry, pharmaceutical, pharmaceuticals, hospital, medical industry, medical company, medical companies, medical business, medical businesses
"Yeah, well, I'm not taking any goddam pill until I know what the long-term effects are."
'My diabetic research shows that test subjects are 98% more likely to take their diabetic pills if the pills are covered in chocolate.'
'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'
"The Five Major Warning Signs of Baldness."
Tags:medical research, science, medical, warning signs of baldness, vanity, men, the five major, experts, ego, psychology, baldness, hair, hair loss, male pattern baldness, warning sign, warning signs, early warning, early warnings, bald, balds, balding, baldness, stage, stages, middle age, middle aged, middle-aged, mankoff
'It's very rare. We don't even have a colored ribbon for it yet.'
'You're suffering from overall medical inflation. . . there is no cure - unless, of course, we raise prices from research. . .'
Drug misuse research institute.
"Defunding increases aggression."
Tags:lab, labs, laboratory, laboratories, science, scientific research, medical research, animal testing, experiment, experiments, scientist, scientists, researcher, researchers, animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, rat, rats, mice, mouse, lab rat, lab rats, funding, grants, grant, funds, money, defunding, de-funding, loss of funding, loss of grant, budget, budgets, budget cuts, cutbacks, budgeting, aggression, increased aggression, fight, fights, fighting, arguing, argument, arguments, disagreement, disagreements, watching, observing, observation, observations, role-reversal, role reversal
"Now there's a study that says laughter isn't the best medicine."
Press reports suggest that caffeine could provide protection against a range of cancers.
"Why is it always science? When I die, I want to donate my body to the arts."
'So taking 75mg of Aspirin per day can reduce the risk of cancer by 21%...' - '...but leads to an increase in the risk of internal bleeding.' - 'Future studies are likely to indicate that medical researchers make very bad dinner party guests.'
'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'
"At first it's, we'll try this and we'll try that. But when there's a medical break-through, guess who takes all the credit."
'You're in luck! A famous movie star has your disease, so there's been a telethon, and drug companies are working on a cure.'
'Is it true? You've been selling your venom to pharmaceutical companies to make anti-venom? Traitor!'
'At last - the new flu vaccine.' 'Hold everything. We've just discovered a newer flu virus.'
"So I guess this probably counts as an adverse event."
Tags:adverse event, adverse events, side effect, side effects, clinical trial, clinical trials, trial, trials, drug test, drug tests, drug testing, pharma, pharmaceuticals, pharmaceutical company, pharmaceutical companies, big pharma, doctor, invisible man, drug trials, clinical investigation, medical research, ae, fda, clinical investigations, food and drug administration
I suppose this probably counts as an adverse event.