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'Vitals look good. . .but I am a little worried about your red bull consumption.'
"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."
Tags:health-care, health care, health, healthy, insurance, health insurance, health plan, cover, health-care plans, health care plans, health care plan, health-care cover, private health, ppo, ppo plan, preferred provider organization, preferred provider organization plan, medicine, medical, medicals, threat, threatening, persuade, gangster, implicit threat, health coverage, health care coverage, health-care coverage, coverage
'I know... crazy right? What are the odds of getting stung in both hands. . .'
Tags:sting, stings, bite, bites, insect, insects, bug, bugs, wasp, wasps, bee, bees, allergic reaction, allergic reactions, allergy, allergies, doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals, physician, physicians, patient, patients, exam, exams, medical, medicals, appointment, appointments, the argyle sweater, argyle sweater
'Your weight problem is partly genetic and partly Boston Cream pie.'
'Our staff is highly skilled mam, but getting your husband to grow a backbone is simply beyond our expertise.'
Testing to Determine if Laughter is the Best Medicine.
"It's about time the price of generic drugs went down! Oh, and give me fifty quick picks."
'This little test of your reflexes will tell us if your a knee-jerk liberal or a knee-jerk conservative.'
Doctor reads 'Anecdotal Evidence'
'Here's my DNA sequence.'
'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'
"Your cholesterol is too high. How often do you have eggs?"
'Your tests show a mild protein deficiency...Have you thought about accepting cheeses into your life?'
'I had a mammogram this morning. I think if I have a few more, I may be able to touch my toes without bending my knees.'
'We've upgraded your position from critical to costly.'
'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'
'Do you repair immune systems?'
'Sure your attorney can be in the operating room, during you surgery, but we'll have to give him anesthesia too.'
'Will this prescription interact with the meds already in my drinking water?'
'Your insurance will cover your entire operation, but only if performed by our office receptionist.'
"Old Mrs. Cranshaw is next, Doctor. Better put on your white jacket."
'The good news is, you have money up the wazoo. The bad news is, you're constipated.'
'You need to go on a balanced diet.'