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'OK, Mrs. Dunn. We'll slide you in there, scan your brain, and see if we can find out why you've been having these spells of claustrophobia.'
"You have a lot of boring health issues, so I'm prescribing medical marijuana for myself."
Tags:doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, patient, patients, doctors office, doctors offices, medical, medical center, medical centers, medical centre, medical centres, prescription, prescriptions, prescribe, drug, marijuana, mary j, ganja, pot, weed, hash, hashish, hemp, smoke, smoking, joint, blunt, bong, medicinal, prescription, prescriptions, prescribe, prescribes, prescribing, stress, stressed out, legalized, legalised, legalisation, legalization, health issue, bore, bored, boring
'Give it to me straight, Doc. How many billable hours do I have left?'
'Mother, are you sure your marijuana use is purely medicinal?'
'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'
'Uh,uh,uh, you weren't lifting with your legs were you?!'
"Your laughter, Kevin, is decidedly medicinal."
"Excuse me, do you have any makemepoopicin or stopmyfartsicillin?"
"Medicare wants its hip back."
Tags:afterlife, death, in the clouds, hip replacement, hip, hips, hip replacement surgery, hip replacement surgeries, medical, medicine, medicinal, angel, departed soul, departed souls, medical insurance, cost, costs, expensive, expenses, return policy, return policies, business, unable to pay, medicare
'That's odd. For most people, getting a pet helps lower blood pressure.'
'I thought you were supposed to do no harm!'
'I wish you would have come to see me sooner.'
'That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I'll ask my computer.'
'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'
'He got sprayed with fertilizer.'
"You set 'em up with one of these babies, and they're good for the night."
Tags:bar, bars, pub, pubs, bartender, bartenders, server, servers, alcohol, alcoholic, alcoholics, liquor, liquors, drink, drinks, drinking, drunk, drunks, patron, patrons, customer, customers, iv, i.v., intravenous, iv drip, iv drips, direct, vein, veins, blood, bloodstream, bloodstreams, hospital, hospitals, medical, medicine, medicinal, drinking problem, alcohol problem, bottle, bottles, good for the night, alcoholism, alcohol dependence, alcohol abuse, healthcare
'Just remember...first we tell them to believe in prevention. Then we tell them to believe in medicine. Then, prayer.'
"Oh my, no ..I don't actually treat anyone anymore.. With the cost of malpractice insurance, I send them all to specialists!"
'Severe case of lead poisoning!'
'My insurance card? Sure, there you go.'
'The gentleman at the end of the counter would like to buy you a round of high blood pressure medicine.'
"Say, Bill, how's that new crop of yours doing?"
'Really? ..So when I said I'd found you a bed, you thought you'd have it all to yourself?!'
Joe's "For Medicinal Purposes ONLY" Bar and Grill