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"This is not going to help my Messianic complex, doctor."
Tags:messiah, messiahs, messianic complex, messianic complexes, doctor, doctors, psychiatrist, psychiatrists, psychiatrics, treatment, treatments, psychologist, psychologists, psychology, analyst, analysts, psychoanalysis, worship, worships, worshiping, worshipping, reverse psychology, kiss the ring, kisses the ring, kissing the ring
"Of course it's me! You were expecting maybe the Messiah?"
Tags:coming home, getting home, is that you, frustrated, frustration, frustrations, irritated, irritation, irritating, the messiah, messiah, jesus, couple, couples, marriages, husband and wife, husbands and wives, long term relationship, long term relationships, long-term relationships, greeting, greetings, sarcasm, sarcastic
"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."
Tags:braces, glasses, nerd, nerds, nerdy, nerdiness, late bloomer, late bloomers, rejection, rejections, rejecting, cool, coolness, popular, popular kid, popularity, popular kids, unpopular, class reunion, class reunions, reunion, reunions, glasses, messiah, messiahs, christ, jesus christ, christian, christians, christianity, recognition, recognize, recognizes, recognizing, cool kid, cool kids, loser, losers, reject, rejects, rejection, rejections
"I TOLD you they have hard water around here."
Tags:jesus, jesus christ, religion, religions, religious, miracle, miracles, jesus of nazareth, walk, walking, walked, walks, christian, christians, christianity, hard water, hard waters, walking on water, walks on water, walk on water, walked on water, messiah, messiahs, prophet, prophets, christ, son of god
"Everyone wants to know what Jesus would do. No one ever asks how Jesus is feeling about his complicated relationship with his father."
Tags:jesus, jesus christ, messiah, what would jesus do, wwjd, christ, christianity, religion, father, fathers, dad, dads, father son relationship, father son relationships, difficult relationship, difficult relationships, complicated relationship, complicated relationships, family issues, family problems, crisis of confidence
"I don't know what we'd have done if he hadn't shown up!"
Tags:show up, shows up, showing up, flying saucer, flying saucers, ufo, ufos, spaceship, spaceships, messiah, messiahs, messenger, messengers, message, messages, messaging, vote, votes, voter, voters, get out the vote, getting out the vote, reminder, reminders, reminding, turnout, voter turnout, election, elections, stump, stump speech, stump speeches, candidate, candidates, presidential candidate, presidential candidates, best option, best options, preferred option, preferred options
'He wants to know if you brought him an X-Box?'
"Right now I'm his apostle, but my dream is to someday be my own Messiah."
Tags:religion, religious, bible, biblical, new testament, jesus, jesus christ, son of god, messiah, apostle, apostles, disciple, disciples, follower, followers, leader, leaders, apprentice, apprentices, apprenticing, dream, dreams, dreaming, future, goal, goals, ambition, ambitions, ambitious, aim, aims, aiming, career, careers, career path, career paths, job, jobs, work, employee, employee, worker, workers, boss, bosses, be my own boss, be your own boss, entrepreneur, entrepreneurs, entrepreneurial, learning from the master, learning from the best, training, in-training, intern, interns, internship, internships, business, modern life
"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."
'The shepherds couldn't make it!'
'The shepherds couldn't make it!'
George Frideric Handel
Jews for Jesus and also for pissing off one's parents, even if they weren't religious, in a way that the Hare Krishnas can't even begin to imagine.
Tags:jews, jew, judaism, torah, jesus, messiah, messiahs, rebel, rebellion, rebelling, rebels, hebrew, christian, christians, christianity, family, families, parent, parents, religion, religions, religious, youth, young, adolescent, adolescence, teenage rebellion, teenage-rebellion, teenage, teen, teens, shpasik, jtoons
The Invention of Religion: 'Ok, here's how it works...first, you never question anything I tell you...'
The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Uh...Kate? Why id Danae out there still wearing her Halloween costume?'
'Jesus keeps saying, 'To the Lord, a thousand years is like a day.' Then, when I ask him to clean his room, he tells me he'll get to it 'in a second.' By my calculations, he's not going to do it for 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes, and 13 seconds.'
"He can't roll over, he sheds too much, he can't fetch. How can he be the Messiah?"
"No! It's lo! (as in behold) - not lol Laughing Out Loud!"
'Well, actualy, yes... I do think I'm God's Gift to Women.'
"Congratulations! It's a messiah!"
"Dude, I can't Handel this."
'Give a man a pound of cheese and he eats for a day. Give him a cow and he's in fat city!!'
"Ok - now press, 'saved'."
"Does this say 'Our Saviour', to you?"