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"To motivate me to walk farther, I hired my jerk ex-boyfriend to follow me."
"Too close a resemblance to my first husband - what else do you have?"
"I'd invite you in, but I'm still cleaning up a few remnants from my previous relationship."
"Omigod! It's the breakfast I made him for his birthday!"
"Breaking up its all my fault . . . My fault for not wanting to go out with a loser with the sexual charisma of a doorstop."
"My ex weighs at least 5 lbs and is 23 inches. He usually hangs around the old dock, and prefers worms. Remember, you didn't hear it from me..."
"My previous internet girlfriend recently dumped me in a rather cruel fashion...she showed no emoticon."