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'When confronted by the enemy, you will deploy a series of disapproving looks.'
'The armed forces may have been cut to shreds, but we can still send a stern round-robin email.'
'At the moment, it's only weakness is flypaper.' - (spyplane research dept.)
'The truth may be out there, but the stories are WAY out there!'
'We've nothing for bomb disposal, tank driving or parachuting. How does cold calling PPI sound?'
"Do the M.O.D allow many of their staff to work from home?"
'Do you remember when our enemies had more to fear than us putting on our 'very angry' t-shirts?'
'I'm not sure that the 'Big Society' idea works with the Ministry of Defence.'
'Did the earth move for you Darling?'
'Quick! Hold on to the budgie. They're firing another missile.'
"It's not like we sold the Saudis the swords for the executions...we didn't, did we?"
'Well minister you said you were going to help the French in Mali. Here it is Field Marshal I found six in a trunk in basement....'
'General what about sending our reserves into Syria?'
'Sir Joselyn you will be pleased to know, I have been looking at some figures and if we dispose of another 1000 soldiers before they get their pensions, we can top ours by 5% and bring digestives back at tea break!'
'Not more military cutbacks!'
"Phew! Thank goodness Royal Mail are on strike. I was due to be posted to Afghanistan today."
Ministry of Ministries.
Defence Secretary going to a top secret meeting with some friends.
'Only two soldiers each since the military spending review.'
'I want these soldiers out of here by 20.15.'
'M.O.D. find budget replacement for the Fleet Air arm.'
'Radio active depleted uranium dump'
'My wife thinks I'm in the Pentagon spending money.'