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"Weltschmerz? Is that like the flu?"
"Your test results were quite encouraging, however the results give you slightly less than three months to live."
"There's nothing wrong with your back, you old fool, you've got your tie stuck in your zipper again!"
"Take two asprin, and if there is no improvement, come back to see me."
"Considering the obvious lies in your information form and my tendency to misdiagnose, we should get along just fine."
'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'
'Oh, well. We did the best we could. Time of death...'
'I can still hear my doctor saying: 'That's harmless. You'll be well in no time!''
"Take some aspirins and if it gets any worse, come back and see me."
'Listen, Geoffrey ...I know you're a clinical psychologist, but I DON'T have A.D.D. ! You're just incredibly boring.'