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'The specialist gave me this medicine for my hearing loss. He said two drops a day in my beer, but so far I haven't noticed any improvements.'
'I didn't say to hook up the 'rain gear'!'
"I thought tonight we're gonna party like it's 1969."
'Actually I asked for a large 'Cola'.'
Tags:koala, koalas, koala bear, koala bears, bear, bears, mishear, mishears, misheard, mishearing, cola, drink, drinks, drinking, drank, order, orders, ordering, ordered, orderer, orderers, customer, customers, cashier, cashiers, assistant, assistants, fast food, mistake, mistakes, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
After his career in advertising faded, Hamburger Helper tried his hand in health care... It wouldn't last.
"To hell with you, too."
Tags:to hell with you, peace be with you, priest, priests, mass, masses, catholic, catholics, catholic church, catholic mass, catholic masses, church service, church services, mishear, mishears, mishearing, misheard, faux pas, automatic response, automatic responses, inappropriate response, inappropriate responses, profanity, profane, blasphemy, blasphemer, blasphemers
'You never listen to me, you only hear what you want to hear!'
"Will you pull your stupid pants up? This is a RETINAL scanner you idiot."
Tags:retinal scan, retinal scans, rectal scan, rectal scans, proctologist, proctology, proctologists, eye doctor, eye doctors, ophthalmology, ophthalmologist, ophthalmologists, optometry, optometrist, optometrists, drop your pants, dropping your pants, drop your trousers, dropping your trousers, misunderstand, misunderstands, misunderstanding, mishear, mishears, misheard
"Must you always think of work? That's Placido Domingo, not 'Placebo"
Things That It Wasn't
Tags:adam, eve, adam and steve, misheard, mishear, mishearing, misunderstood, misunderstanding, alternate, alternate universe, parallel universe, evel, knievel, evel knievel, saturday, saturday night, garden of good and evil, steve mcqueen, mic up, mixups, mix-ups, mix-up, hear, hearing, comprehension, comprehend, film, films, movie, movies, pop culture, reference, famous, fame
"Fulfilling others on Thanksgiving is pretty good advice, wouldn't you say?"
"No, that's great, Hon. But I asked you to take my mother to the 'Senior Center!'"
"What the hell do you want kelp for?"
Tags:dog, dogs, rescue, rescues, rescue dog, rescue dogs, dog owner, dog owners, rescuing, rescuer, rescuers, senior, seniors, senior citizen, senior citizens, oap, oaps, old-age, old age, pensioner, pensioners, deaf, deafness, hearing loss, hearing problem, hearing problems, misheard, mishear, mishearing
'This is a gatored community... not a gated community!'
A man asks for directions
'Did you remember the kola nuts. Lenny?'
'No, not mental --- metal fatigue.'
"You might need to remind Mrs. Sanders it's 'bring your DAUGHTER to work' day."
"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."
Tags:christmas, christmas season, christmas seasons, holiday season, holiday seasons, carol, carols, christmas carol, christmas carols, christmas song, christmas songs, pear tree, pear trees, 12 days of christmas, caroling, children's song, children's songs, misunderstanding, misunderstood, misunderstand, lyrics, incorrect lyrics, wrong lyrics, mishear, mishears, misheard
"No, Grandpa. I asked for ANISE cookies."
"I didn't say you were hard of herring, I said hearing."
"I think you need a hearing test."
Tags:hearing test, heating tests, hearing exam, hearing exams, hearing problem, hearing problems, deaf, deafness, hearing loss, pensioner, pensioners, senior citizen, senior citizens, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, misunderstanding, misunderstandings, mishear, misheard, mishearing, listening, geriatrics, geriatric medicine, ent
Tags:caveman, cavemen, neanderthal, neanderthals, prehistory, prehistoric, carnival, carnivals, caveman carnival, carnivore, carnivores, excite, excites, excited, misheard, mishear, mishearing, misunderstand, misunderstood, eat, eats, eating, predator, predators, dinner, prey, preys, preying, die, dies, dying
"I said to order me 300 CONCUBINES!"
Tags:concubine, concubines, king solomon, bible character, bible characters, biblical character, biblical characters, bible story, bible stories, torah story, torah stories, wife, wives, polygamy, polygamist, polygamists, old testament, porcupine, porcupines, misunderstanding, misunderstandings, mishear, misheard
"That's colon, not colin."
Tags:doctor, doctors, doctors office, doctors offices, patient, patients, colon, colons, misspeak, misspeaking, mispronunciation, mispronunciations, mispronounce, misheard, mishear, misinterpret, misinterpreted, misunderstood, misunderstanding, misunderstandings, correction, correcting, corrected, diagnosis, diagnoses