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'The specialist gave me this medicine for my hearing loss. He said two drops a day in my beer, but so far I haven't noticed any improvements.'
'Actually I asked for a large 'Cola'.'
Tags:koala, koalas, koala bear, koala bears, bear, bears, mishear, mishears, misheard, mishearing, cola, drink, drinks, drinking, drank, order, orders, ordering, ordered, orderer, orderers, customer, customers, cashier, cashiers, assistant, assistants, fast food, mistake, mistakes, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
"To hell with you, too."
Tags:to hell with you, peace be with you, priest, priests, mass, masses, catholic, catholics, catholic church, catholic mass, catholic masses, church service, church services, mishear, mishears, mishearing, misheard, faux pas, automatic response, automatic responses, inappropriate response, inappropriate responses, profanity, profane, blasphemy, blasphemer, blasphemers
"Will you pull your stupid pants up? This is a RETINAL scanner you idiot."
Tags:retinal scan, retinal scans, rectal scan, rectal scans, proctologist, proctology, proctologists, eye doctor, eye doctors, ophthalmology, ophthalmologist, ophthalmologists, optometry, optometrist, optometrists, drop your pants, dropping your pants, drop your trousers, dropping your trousers, misunderstand, misunderstands, misunderstanding, mishear, mishears, misheard
'This is a gatored community... not a gated community!'
'Did you remember the kola nuts. Lenny?'
'No, not mental --- metal fatigue.'
"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."
Tags:christmas, christmas season, christmas seasons, holiday season, holiday seasons, carol, carols, christmas carol, christmas carols, christmas song, christmas songs, pear tree, pear trees, 12 days of christmas, caroling, children's song, children's songs, misunderstanding, misunderstood, misunderstand, lyrics, incorrect lyrics, wrong lyrics, mishear, mishears, misheard
"You might need to remind Mrs. Sanders it's 'bring your DAUGHTER to work' day."
"No, Grandpa. I asked for ANISE cookies."
"I didn't say you were hard of herring, I said hearing."
'I said I got a Christmas bonus. . . bonus. . . not Christmas bones!'
Deck the halls with boughs of challah...
Tags:christmas carol, christmas carols, christmas song, christmas songs, deck the halls, challah, jew, jews, jewish, judaism, jewish food, jewish foods, adaptation, adaptions, hanukkah, chanukah, brioche, bread, breads, melting pot, melting pots, mishear, mishears, mishearing, misunderstand, misunderstands, misunderstanding, christmas, xmas, x-mas, christmas card, christmas cards, hannukah card, hannukah cards, chanukah card, chanukah cards
'Petty Officer why does Jenkins keep shouting 'ice cream' from the lookout? Is he drunk? Put him on a charge when he comes down.'
"Another year older? Aren't you worried about losing your hearing?"
Tags:birthday, birthdays, aging, ageing, getting older, getting old, another year, year older, hearing loss, lost hearing, old age, seniors, senior, senior citizen, senior citizens, dotage, misunderstanding, misapprehension, misheard, mishearing, mishear, mishears, misunderstood, misunderstand, misunderstands, herring, fish, marine biology, marine biologist, marine biologists
'Chapman, you misunderstood what I said about the Clark account. I said mull it over.'
Tags:account, accounts, accounting, accountant, accountants, accountancy, misunderstand, misunderstands, misunderstanding, misunderstandings, misunderstood, mail, mails, mailing, mailed, send, sends, sending, sent, mishear, mishears, mishearing, mishearings, misheard, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
'Arm catapult, stand clear, fire away... Was I talking just a little too fast for you idiots?'
Tags:catapult, catapults, catapulted, catapulting, viking, vikings, instruct, instructs, instruction, instructions, instructed, lead, leads, leading, leader, leaders, order, orders, ordering, ordered, mishear, mishears, mishearing, misheard, idiot, idiots, insult, insults, insulting, in the bleachers, bleachers, in the bleachers
'Not snake I said 'rake' Watch out for the rake'
Tags:snake, snakes, rake, rakes, mishear, mishears, mishearing, misheard, baseball, player, players, fielder, fielders, catch, catches, catching, catcher, catchers, warn, warns, warning, warnings, warned, confuse, confuses, confusion, confused, accident, accidents, accidentally, accidental, in the bleachers, bleachers, in the bleachers
'You fool! I wanted rear implants!'
'Hey, Akhem, a Sphinx-er says what?'
"No, Frank... I said I wanted you to 'smoke out referrals'... not 'smoke reefers'!"
'Did you get a chance to change the clocks yet?'
"I said you should be diplomatic, not DIPSOMATIC!"
Tags:dipsomania, dipsomaniac, dipsomaniacs, diplomat, diplomats, diplomatic, king, kings, monarch, monarchs, royal, royals, royalty, mishear, misheard, mishearing, mishears, crown, crowns, drunk, drunks, drunkard, drunkards, drinking problem, drinking problems, queen, bad advice, misunderstanding, misunderstandings
'Jim, it's the doctor. You didn't hear him right! He said you need to improve your bowel movements...not make bowling improvement.'
'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''