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'Somehow your medical records got faxed to a complete stranger. He has no idea what's wrong with you either.'
'It's a bird, it's a plane...it's superman! Oh brother, a bird and a plane aren't even close to the same size...I really need some new glasses.'
One of the Dangers of Childhood Obesity
'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'
'You know there was time there, about 40,000 years ago, when we could have completely wiped them out if we had put our minds to it.'
'Silent type, eh?'
'The next time you decide to send a Valentine's email...don't press 'send all' by mistake.'
"Can it, Louie! You knew damn well it was pajama day!"
Mistaken Identity Theft
"Forty-one years of marriage. That's a long, long learning curve."
Tags:couple, couples, husband and wife, husbands and wives, marriages, bad relationship, bad relationships, learning curve, learning curves, new relationship, new relationships, regret, regrets, life choice, life choices, mistake, mistakes, marital fight, marital fights, domestic, domestics, domestic argument, domestic arguments, spousal dispute, spousal disputes, long term relationship, long term relationship, long-term relationships
"My mistake, really. I thought your ad said you were into cross-training."
Tags:cafe, cafes, dating, dates, dated, gender issues, gender stereotype, misread, misreading, mistake, mistakes, cross-training, cross training, training, gym, gyms, gym rat, gym rats, exercise, exercises, fitness, internet, internet dating, drag, ad, ads, personal, personals, finding love, love, lovelorn
"We've thought and thought, but we're at a loss about what to call ourselves. Any ideas?"
Tags:history, historical, america, american, discovery, discovers, nina, pinta, santa maria, colombus, columbus, voyage, voyages, indian, indians, american indians, native american, american indian, native americans, new world, colonists, colonialism, colonial expansion, colonial, sarcasm, sarcastic, mistake, cherokee, navajo, apache, amerindians, indigenous, indigenous americans, europe, european arrogance, defined, racism, misunderstood, misunderstanding
"I went out on a limb to hire you. Dolan."
Tags:monkey, monkeys, out on a limb, going out on a limb, risk, risks, taking risks, risk taker, risk takers, hiring process, new employee, new employees, mistake, mistakes, bad employee, bad employees, disappointment, disappointments, play on words, let down, let downs, let-down, let-downs, offices, office job, office jobs, office work, office worker, office workers
"I told you never to call me here."
"I know I'm perjuring myself, but I'm trying to make a point!"
Tags:perjury, committing perjury, liar, liars, lying, courtroom, courtrooms, court of law, legal system, the legal system, judge, judges, lawyer, lawyers, attorney, attorneys, priorities, argument, arguments, making a point, winning arguments, mistake, mistakes, big mistakes, fake news, making it up
"I'm feeling a little guilty for having introduced them to each other."
"The past, Your Honor, is a foreign country, and we did things differently there."
Tags:court, courts, courtroom, courtrooms, courthouse, courthouses, law, laws, law and order, lawyer, lawyers, solicitor, solicitors, barrister, barristers, judge, judges, the past, excuse, excuses, criminal, criminals, crimes, trial, on trial, history, past mistakes, mistake, mistakes, regret, regrets, remorse
"Now that I think about it, he might have been holding a seven."
Tags:line up, line ups, line-up, line-ups, police line up, police line ups, idiot, idiots, incompetent, incompetence, bad memory, poor memories, forgetfulness, confused, confusion, mistake, mistakes, big mistake, big mistakes, police, cop, cops, wasting police time, detective, detectives, police investigation, police investigations
"Did you leave your bag unattended or trade your cow for magic beans?"
Tags:airport, airports, airport security, nothing to declare, contraband, contraband items, aeroplane, aeroplanes, aiplane, airplanes, travel, travelling, travellers, customs, border control, border protection, jack and the beanstalk, giant beanstalk, jack and the giant beanstalk, jack and the magic beanstalk, fairy tale, fairy tales, unattended luggage, unattended bag, unattended bags, unattended baggage, luggage, bag, bags, bagg, security guard, security guards, age, hold luggage, cabin luggage, law enforcement, law enforcer, federal law enforcement, illegal item, illegal items, smuggling, smuggler, accident, accidental, mistake, biologicals, banned biologicals, agricultural permit, agricultural permits
'Anyway, to make a long story short, the medical examiner who performed your autopsy was fired.'
"I knew he was lost the moment we left the water."
"I told you they were magic beans and not to eat them."
Tags:jack and the beanstalk, magic beanstalk, beanstalk, beanstalks, magic beanstalks, fairy tale, fairy tales, fairy story, fairy stories, fairytale, fairytales, magic bean, magic beans, immature, immaturity, childish, childishness, stupid, stupidity, disobey, disobedient, disobedience, mistake, mistake, ignore, ignoring, ignored, life lesson, life lessons, regret, regretting, regretful, unsafe food
"He says he's a great salmon guide."
'What the... there's the gold earring I lost when we did his triple bypass four years ago.'