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Doug fights back at soaring gas prices.
'When confronted by the enemy, you will deploy a series of disapproving looks.'
'The armed forces may have been cut to shreds, but we can still send a stern round-robin email.'
'At the moment, it's only weakness is flypaper.' - (spyplane research dept.)
'This is my special advisor, but between you and me, he's only here for the steak dinner.'
'The truth may be out there, but the stories are WAY out there!'
'We've nothing for bomb disposal, tank driving or parachuting. How does cold calling PPI sound?'
"Do the M.O.D allow many of their staff to work from home?"
'Do you remember when our enemies had more to fear than us putting on our 'very angry' t-shirts?'
'It's all part of that 'Devolving Power'...'Big Society' thing...I got the nuclear attack codes and Bill down at the Rotary got Civil Defence.'
'I'm not sure that the 'Big Society' idea works with the Ministry of Defence.'
"You're still a mod, I'm still a rocker!" (Brighton Rest Home).
'Quick! Hold on to the budgie. They're firing another missile.'
'Did the earth move for you Darling?'
"It's not like we sold the Saudis the swords for the executions...we didn't, did we?"
An old mod has customised his mobility scooter.
'Well minister you said you were going to help the French in Mali. Here it is Field Marshal I found six in a trunk in basement....'
'Sir Joselyn you will be pleased to know, I have been looking at some figures and if we dispose of another 1000 soldiers before they get their pensions, we can top ours by 5% and bring digestives back at tea break!'
'At last! Some decent kit.'
'Not more military cutbacks!'
'I'm not leaving the army, I just don't have any kit.'
"Phew! Thank goodness Royal Mail are on strike. I was due to be posted to Afghanistan today."